Unfortunate but true

Despite my preference it would seem that I must go on a temporary hiatus to continue rewrites for the webseries I am creating.  It has entered the editing and rewriting stage and quite simply my mind doesn't want to look anywhere else.  So despite the fact that it will end my best run of regular updates I must focus on other things.  But never fear I shall return to this. In the meantime feel free to comment and leave feedback.  More questions for my musings is always nice.

Later Days

Who Let the Dogs Out?

I have decided to make sure that I take the name of this blog into account for my non-story posts. So mind you that there shall be very little value in these musings beyond entertainment. Facts may be wrong obvious or subtle. If they are correct I assure it is likely a mistake. I shall be uncovering the mysteries you didn’t even know don’t exist.
I could however use your assistance to determine which mysteries to tackle first. So on each of these musings please comment on something for which you would like an answer. Such as ‘Where does thousand island dressing come from?’ ‘Can leopards really beat a computer at chess?’ or ‘Why is world hunger still a thing?’
I shall take the most popular request and ties will be broken by way of their level of intrigue. So please allow me to answer all of the burning questions you have about life the universe and everything.

This is an age old question the roots of which are far reaching and expansive. Around 2094 BCE in the first intermediate period of Ancient Egypt a large stampede of Seth creatures or shas crushed the city of Gamesh the capitol of Sekhmet resulting in a massive setback in her cult. The Seth animal has since been passed off as a jackal and later referred to as a dog bringing the question to it’s modern form. There have been three prominent theories to answer this mystery let us look at them.

Back in the times of Plato shortly before his death 327 BC it was proposed that a certain Jim from accounting had in fact let the dogs out. It was posed by the lesser known Clato that Jim from accounting had been on his way to the restroom and simply got turned around and accidentaly opened the door of Seth releasing the Seth animals. Plato found this to be a preposterous idea and felt that the very question itself was laughable as it was not until recent times for them that dog restraints had been invented and therefore there could not have been any dogs to let out as they could not have been contained. Also Jim from accounting had long been adding trips to his expense account without having actually gone this embezzlement has naturally dwindled the veracity of this claim.

It was not until the late 18th century that we had any other weigh in on this question in any meaningful fashion. Rupert P. Codswallop PhD put forth the notion that perhaps Jim from Accountiing was simply a red herring that it was in fact Esclessius the third. Who was of the cult of Osiris and thus would have a key to the Door of Seth Osiris having been the one to seal away the Seth animals in the first place. The cult of Sekhmet had risen to great power and the cult of osiris had dwindled as a result thereby providing Esclessius the third a motive. However Esclessius the third was seen allegedly at a synagogue at the time of the catastrophe and thus as no one could concieve that he would use something so scandalous as an alibi has prevented this theory from truly taking hold.

The third and final theory and the one to which yours truly holds to is the one proffered by Professor H. H. Grepshaw in the 1900s that the seth animal and it’s containment systems were in fact of an extra terrestrial origin. This would provide the containments that were so lacking at the time and give credence to the later sightings and trials of Jim from Accounting. It is also a possible reason for Esclessius the third to have suddenly changed religion at a moments notice. But then how did the catastrophe occur?

The extraterrestrials, known then as Sky Gods, came back to pick up their seth animal pups and bring them home. The scorching from the boosters used to break earth orbit were more than sufficient enough to obliterate the poor town. Thus the dogs were never in fact let out by anyone. And the world is a better place for it.

My Life As It Should Have Been Ch 1.8

So I made my way briskly back to the comforting inside of the daycare. Itrod easily measuring my steps catching the reflection of a tall but spindly boy keeping pace with me wearing a windbreaker in this unseasonably warm weather. I took my time strolled by the library not too far from the playground. Pink was in there. The most learned of the Rangers. The only thing that kept her from running the Rangers was that Red had something on her. No telling what it was but it was obviously a big deal after all she wasn’t a sweetie like Rochelle. She kept herself calm and under control. That’s why she got to help at the library to be honest. And it gave Red all the more reason to keep a hold of her. While there she could look the other way for those who wanted read comic books or just get by without having to read at all.

“Hey there Pink.” I said.

“Detective.” She said. “What can I do for you?”

“Oh nothing much just pass along a message for me. Your boss doesn’t need to send some flat foot to make sure I’m doing my job.” I said. Some irritation may have flowed into my tone. I hate it whenever people doubt my professionalism.

“I work for Red.” She said not even looking up from her copy of a Nancy Drew mystery.

“Really? A ranger working for Red? I never would have guessed.” I said. Mock dripping from the syllables.

“Yes really.” Her eyes actually met mine as she put down her book not even taking the care to mark her place. “And Red knows you. He knows that you’ll do your job.”

“I find that such confidences easily waver.”

“Then you shouldn’t mind too terribly if someone provides him a little more confidence that doesn’t waver so easily.”

“Until said insurance decides to get in the way at the wrong time and lets the falcon slip away.” I said.

“Like I said Red knows you’ll do your job. He doesn’t need any more insurance. He has Zachariah.” Her words rang true. Red knew he had more than enough over me to get my loyalty at least for now. He didn’t need to send a goon to keep an eye on me. Besides if he’d done that I’d probably be dealing with Blue and this guy didn’t seem to be quite as incompetent as blue and he certainly didn’t have the brawn.

“Right. Well you have a good day miss and I’ll see you around.” I said picking up a copy of Highlights on my way out I left the library somewhat in a contemplative nature. Who was following me? Why? There was no one in this daycare beyond Red who held the kind of power to be any real threat. It could only mean that perhaps there was a new player in town. My thoughts preoccupied my brain as I rounded a corner into the movie hall. My pursuer right behind me pulling a water gun from his Jacket.

If you'd like to start from the beginning here ya go:  http://musingsofaninadequatenature.blogspot.com/2009/12/my-life-as-it-should-have-been-intro.html

What about time travel?

Time travel has always been a tricky subject. One of the few topics upon which the students are regularly more knowledgable than the professors. It has thus been recommended that anyone truly wishing to learn time travel to be the one who teaches it. This is of course due to the fact that the students who go on to make use of their newfound skillset regularly travel back and provide the answers to all the tests and that so and so is totally in to them and they should take the chance and go for it.

Anyhow on to the most popular uses and some of the history of time travel. Despite the many attempts to use the device to kill Hitler none of them succeeded. There are seven hundred eighty five documented attempts to do so and not one of them succeeded. A one Herman Farraday attempted to claim the title of Hitler Killer by way of his attempt being the final straw that caused him to commit suicide but it has been roundly shot down by all. For it is obvious that he killed himself after the verification team to check his mental state prior to his suicide caused it when they asked him ‘Does the fact that there have been seven hundred and eighty five documented attempts to end your life affect your decision to commit suicide?’ Immediately after that he killed himself.

The major history of Time Travel has all occured around 2194 AD (After Dominoes) it was then that everyone believed it had been invented when in fact that did not occur until 2212. Everyone had made their way to 2194 in order to usher in the new era and once they realized it wasn’t then they promptly decided that it was entirely too much work to get everyone over to 2212 so they ushered in the new era of time travel right there. To this day there are no active time travellers who live outside of 2194 and 2258. Indeed their numbers have actually caused a rather serious cost in the real estate market during those times which would normally have destroyed the market values and the economic worth of many nations but everyone managed to get an amazing deal after all they simply showed up early enough to buy up the land they wanted and built what they needed before the price rose.

The first recorder use of a time machine was during the year 2609 BC (Before Christopher) when an early mayan stumbled upon a machine from 2348 and accidentaly hit home before the pilot managed to finish relieving himself in the bushes. Finaly the most popular uses of time travel include: Finding and eating extinct animals, The big game hunting of the great tyrants of history, passing classes, betting on sports games, getting ideas for movies, and forging ancient treasure.

Harry and the Girl

I strode along to find Harry. He was a wiry little kid most people either picked on him or ignored him due to his small size. I didn’t do things like that. Well at least to him anyway. There was no telling what someone as immenintly forgettable as Harry might be privvy to. He spent most of his time playing hide and seek out here on the playground so if anyone knew who my mystery girl was it would be him. The kids all ran about to find a hiding place. There were always plenty to go around the only trouble was that the best ones were all in areas we were forbidden to travel by the grey hairs. Harry though could slip in and out of sight whenever he wished.

I walked past the jungle gym sedately and as I passed by the neon slides and a hand grabbed me by the arm and pulled me under the awning for the slides. My head flashed past the floor the other kids played upon nearly earning me a boo boo that no medicinal grade kisses could possibly heal. I turned about to face my assailant to find as I figured little Harry looking back at me.

“What’s wrong with you Mike?” Harry whined. “You know I can’t be seen talking with you!”

“Relax Harry.” I said as I popped a piece of bubble gum in my mouth. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

“People know you Mike. I get by purely because people don’t know me. Or if they do it’s as that weird kid with the pencils. Or the guy who sleeps through the movies.”

“Exactly you got nothing to worry about.” I said. “You’re always under the radar.”

“Yes I am and that’s how I like it. But if people see you and me together.” Harry said. “I’ll register to them. I won’t be able to properly blend.”

“Yeah yeah I get it Harry. Now let’s get down to business. Have you seen this girl?” I handed him the sketch I’d gotten from Red after I agreed to the work. Harry’s eyes got wide and darted between me and the sketch.

“No.” He said.

I grabbed his arm before he could turn and run.

“What’s the rush Harry? You’re not in any trouble. You would never lie to me would you?” I said taking his arm and preparing for an indian burn.

“Aw come on Mikey you know I’m always on the level with you.” He said.

“Where did you see her?” I asked.

“Look Mikey you don’t want to be in this. Everybody’s going to be after you.”

“Everyone already is after me.” I spat.

“Not like this they aren’t.” He wimpered

“I need information or to take out my frustration somwhere.”

“Ok ok but don’t say I didn’t warn you.” I took one hand off his arm to let him focus on the information at hand.

“She was over by the sand box and she took something out of there that had been buried but I don’t know any more than that.”

“Where did she go?”

“Inside that’s the last I saw of her.” He said.

It was at that moment that a sound came from just outside our hiding place. I quickly went for my squirt gun and let go of Harry to do it. A kid came bounding around the corner tackling me to the ground.

“I found you you’re it.”

“I was never playing. Just looking for some shade.” I looked over and Harry was nowhere to be found. Just as well I suppose.

“Then why don’t you go inside?”

“That’s not a bad idea.” I said.

If you'd like to start from the beginning here ya go:  http://musingsofaninadequatenature.blogspot.com/2009/12/my-life-as-it-should-have-been-intro.html

Where does Thousand Island Dressing come from?

The origins of thousand island dressing is one fraught with desperation peril and corruption at the highest levels. The history books would have you think that it is a mere salad dressing many a time used on burgers as a secret sauce or perhaps russian dressing as they did indeed attempt to take credit for it. But I tell you now the true origins of Thousand Island Dressing. It all begins with the original thousand islands located in the Atlantic ocean.

The chief island and the largest was known as Atlantis. They ruled over the Thousand Islands with an orihalcum fist. But they could not prevent their subjects wishes entirely. Their soil was only good for growing a few vegetables and even then they could not produce enough food to sustain their populace despite their awe inspiring technology. Due to their need to demolish their dependency on foreign food they found a way to grow lettuce in abundance. Now that they had their much needed source of food they could simply fish for their meat and simply use spices from foreign lands. Their much needed answer had come at last.

So they planted all of their fields with the new abundantly growing lettuce. There was great joy in the land to know that they would be free of the foreigners grip upon their nation. Great joy that is until the crops came in and all tasted of the lettuce. The nation of the thousand islands suffered greatly as they all ran to get as much foreign food as they could. After all they had been so confident in their abilities to use the lettuce that they dared not think to order any before.

The emporrer was distraught at the new found strife in the land. There seemed to be little to do. He would lose all of the nations holdings if he did not manage to change the populaces minds on lettuce. He would then be dethroned by way of monetary holdings. It was decided long before that the rules of succession would be passed down by way of wealth. It was thought that this would prevent any family from being killed in a single battle and therefore always preserve the title of emporrer and prevent any civil wars.

In order to keep his throne he had to convince everyone that not only would the lettuce bring them independence from foreign food but that it was delicious as well. So he set his scientists to come up with a substance that would be only allowed on lettuce. They came up with the original compound for Thousand Island dressing. It was delicious it could smother the taste of lettuce and most importantly it was cripplingly addictive. The Emporrer then declared that it was illegal to consume the dressing on anything but lettuce.

With this combination there was little chance to lose and before long everyone was eating lettuce in record numbers. It was a veritable coup for the Emporrer and the Atlanteans as a whole. And the rule for not using the dressing on anything other than lettuce can be seen in the myriad burger joints who refuse to admit that their very special secret sauce is no more than an ancient crack de creme.

Please leave a comment asking a question and it shall be answered by me so that we might unravel the mysteries of the world.  The most voted for question will be answered so please submit you queries and let us plumb the depths of this world.

The Grey Hairs

I stepped outside into the bright light of day. The sun beat down on whatever it could find. I kept my head low. This was disputed territory. No one could really control the playground. The grey hairs monitered it too closely. Heck I couldn’t walk out here without at least a few pairs of eyes on me. My reputation has never been sparkly. So many weeks as a PI will do that to a guy. Before I could make it to my usual source a voice rang out in a beautiful tone even if there was no melody.

“Michael!” She said. “Get over here now!”

Of course I couldn’t be at peace out here. The attention of the grey hairs was no doubt pinned upon me since the moment I set foot out here. I turned and looked at none other than Marianne. The woman who helped me through so much so early in life. She’d gotten fired from the hospital. Perhaps they had found the admittedly lewd love poem I had written her and assumed she felt the same way. I felt terrible for that and I did my best to not bring up our previous relationship. But now she was one of the grey hairs. I sauntered over with just enough speed to let her know I’d heard but not so much as to look like I wanted to do it.

“How can I help you?” I said nonchalant as ever.

“What are you doing out here?”

“Oh I thought I’d just get myself some fresh air. Maybe swing on the jungle gym or join a game of hide and seek.” I replied. “You know Kid stuff.”

“All I know is that you and Zachariah are always up to something. And it’s never any good.”

“Do you see Zachariah?” I said.

“No because he was sent to timeout for trying to steal something from a girls locker.” She said.

“You wouldn’t happen to know whose would you?”

“Don’t you even think it. Gertrude wants me to send you to time out right now purely based on your association with him.” She snapped.

“You know perfectly well that I would never do anything like that. As a matter of fact I wanted to go apologize to her on his behalf.”

“I know you’re a good kid heck even Gertrude knows though you’d never see her admit to it.” Marianne grimaced. “Regardless of that you’re up to something I know it. Just make sure you tell us if anything should go amiss. If you don’t tell us immediately we’ll likely be after you.”

“I know I know. I’ll keep you in the loop and you can report to Gertrude that I’ll be on my best behaviour today.” I said and smiled.

“Good. Now be good.”

“What and take all the fun out of it?” I smirked and lost myself in the chaos of the playground. Greyhairs. They never did stand a chance.

If you'd like to read from the beginning here ya go: http://musingsofaninadequatenature.blogspot.com/2009/12/my-life-as-it-should-have-been-intro.html