Unfortunate but true

Despite my preference it would seem that I must go on a temporary hiatus to continue rewrites for the webseries I am creating.  It has entered the editing and rewriting stage and quite simply my mind doesn't want to look anywhere else.  So despite the fact that it will end my best run of regular updates I must focus on other things.  But never fear I shall return to this. In the meantime feel free to comment and leave feedback.  More questions for my musings is always nice.

Later Days

Who Let the Dogs Out?

I have decided to make sure that I take the name of this blog into account for my non-story posts. So mind you that there shall be very little value in these musings beyond entertainment. Facts may be wrong obvious or subtle. If they are correct I assure it is likely a mistake. I shall be uncovering the mysteries you didn’t even know don’t exist.
I could however use your assistance to determine which mysteries to tackle first. So on each of these musings please comment on something for which you would like an answer. Such as ‘Where does thousand island dressing come from?’ ‘Can leopards really beat a computer at chess?’ or ‘Why is world hunger still a thing?’
I shall take the most popular request and ties will be broken by way of their level of intrigue. So please allow me to answer all of the burning questions you have about life the universe and everything.

This is an age old question the roots of which are far reaching and expansive. Around 2094 BCE in the first intermediate period of Ancient Egypt a large stampede of Seth creatures or shas crushed the city of Gamesh the capitol of Sekhmet resulting in a massive setback in her cult. The Seth animal has since been passed off as a jackal and later referred to as a dog bringing the question to it’s modern form. There have been three prominent theories to answer this mystery let us look at them.

Back in the times of Plato shortly before his death 327 BC it was proposed that a certain Jim from accounting had in fact let the dogs out. It was posed by the lesser known Clato that Jim from accounting had been on his way to the restroom and simply got turned around and accidentaly opened the door of Seth releasing the Seth animals. Plato found this to be a preposterous idea and felt that the very question itself was laughable as it was not until recent times for them that dog restraints had been invented and therefore there could not have been any dogs to let out as they could not have been contained. Also Jim from accounting had long been adding trips to his expense account without having actually gone this embezzlement has naturally dwindled the veracity of this claim.

It was not until the late 18th century that we had any other weigh in on this question in any meaningful fashion. Rupert P. Codswallop PhD put forth the notion that perhaps Jim from Accountiing was simply a red herring that it was in fact Esclessius the third. Who was of the cult of Osiris and thus would have a key to the Door of Seth Osiris having been the one to seal away the Seth animals in the first place. The cult of Sekhmet had risen to great power and the cult of osiris had dwindled as a result thereby providing Esclessius the third a motive. However Esclessius the third was seen allegedly at a synagogue at the time of the catastrophe and thus as no one could concieve that he would use something so scandalous as an alibi has prevented this theory from truly taking hold.

The third and final theory and the one to which yours truly holds to is the one proffered by Professor H. H. Grepshaw in the 1900s that the seth animal and it’s containment systems were in fact of an extra terrestrial origin. This would provide the containments that were so lacking at the time and give credence to the later sightings and trials of Jim from Accounting. It is also a possible reason for Esclessius the third to have suddenly changed religion at a moments notice. But then how did the catastrophe occur?

The extraterrestrials, known then as Sky Gods, came back to pick up their seth animal pups and bring them home. The scorching from the boosters used to break earth orbit were more than sufficient enough to obliterate the poor town. Thus the dogs were never in fact let out by anyone. And the world is a better place for it.

My Life As It Should Have Been Ch 1.8

So I made my way briskly back to the comforting inside of the daycare. Itrod easily measuring my steps catching the reflection of a tall but spindly boy keeping pace with me wearing a windbreaker in this unseasonably warm weather. I took my time strolled by the library not too far from the playground. Pink was in there. The most learned of the Rangers. The only thing that kept her from running the Rangers was that Red had something on her. No telling what it was but it was obviously a big deal after all she wasn’t a sweetie like Rochelle. She kept herself calm and under control. That’s why she got to help at the library to be honest. And it gave Red all the more reason to keep a hold of her. While there she could look the other way for those who wanted read comic books or just get by without having to read at all.

“Hey there Pink.” I said.

“Detective.” She said. “What can I do for you?”

“Oh nothing much just pass along a message for me. Your boss doesn’t need to send some flat foot to make sure I’m doing my job.” I said. Some irritation may have flowed into my tone. I hate it whenever people doubt my professionalism.

“I work for Red.” She said not even looking up from her copy of a Nancy Drew mystery.

“Really? A ranger working for Red? I never would have guessed.” I said. Mock dripping from the syllables.

“Yes really.” Her eyes actually met mine as she put down her book not even taking the care to mark her place. “And Red knows you. He knows that you’ll do your job.”

“I find that such confidences easily waver.”

“Then you shouldn’t mind too terribly if someone provides him a little more confidence that doesn’t waver so easily.”

“Until said insurance decides to get in the way at the wrong time and lets the falcon slip away.” I said.

“Like I said Red knows you’ll do your job. He doesn’t need any more insurance. He has Zachariah.” Her words rang true. Red knew he had more than enough over me to get my loyalty at least for now. He didn’t need to send a goon to keep an eye on me. Besides if he’d done that I’d probably be dealing with Blue and this guy didn’t seem to be quite as incompetent as blue and he certainly didn’t have the brawn.

“Right. Well you have a good day miss and I’ll see you around.” I said picking up a copy of Highlights on my way out I left the library somewhat in a contemplative nature. Who was following me? Why? There was no one in this daycare beyond Red who held the kind of power to be any real threat. It could only mean that perhaps there was a new player in town. My thoughts preoccupied my brain as I rounded a corner into the movie hall. My pursuer right behind me pulling a water gun from his Jacket.

If you'd like to start from the beginning here ya go:  http://musingsofaninadequatenature.blogspot.com/2009/12/my-life-as-it-should-have-been-intro.html

What about time travel?

Time travel has always been a tricky subject. One of the few topics upon which the students are regularly more knowledgable than the professors. It has thus been recommended that anyone truly wishing to learn time travel to be the one who teaches it. This is of course due to the fact that the students who go on to make use of their newfound skillset regularly travel back and provide the answers to all the tests and that so and so is totally in to them and they should take the chance and go for it.

Anyhow on to the most popular uses and some of the history of time travel. Despite the many attempts to use the device to kill Hitler none of them succeeded. There are seven hundred eighty five documented attempts to do so and not one of them succeeded. A one Herman Farraday attempted to claim the title of Hitler Killer by way of his attempt being the final straw that caused him to commit suicide but it has been roundly shot down by all. For it is obvious that he killed himself after the verification team to check his mental state prior to his suicide caused it when they asked him ‘Does the fact that there have been seven hundred and eighty five documented attempts to end your life affect your decision to commit suicide?’ Immediately after that he killed himself.

The major history of Time Travel has all occured around 2194 AD (After Dominoes) it was then that everyone believed it had been invented when in fact that did not occur until 2212. Everyone had made their way to 2194 in order to usher in the new era and once they realized it wasn’t then they promptly decided that it was entirely too much work to get everyone over to 2212 so they ushered in the new era of time travel right there. To this day there are no active time travellers who live outside of 2194 and 2258. Indeed their numbers have actually caused a rather serious cost in the real estate market during those times which would normally have destroyed the market values and the economic worth of many nations but everyone managed to get an amazing deal after all they simply showed up early enough to buy up the land they wanted and built what they needed before the price rose.

The first recorder use of a time machine was during the year 2609 BC (Before Christopher) when an early mayan stumbled upon a machine from 2348 and accidentaly hit home before the pilot managed to finish relieving himself in the bushes. Finaly the most popular uses of time travel include: Finding and eating extinct animals, The big game hunting of the great tyrants of history, passing classes, betting on sports games, getting ideas for movies, and forging ancient treasure.

Harry and the Girl

I strode along to find Harry. He was a wiry little kid most people either picked on him or ignored him due to his small size. I didn’t do things like that. Well at least to him anyway. There was no telling what someone as immenintly forgettable as Harry might be privvy to. He spent most of his time playing hide and seek out here on the playground so if anyone knew who my mystery girl was it would be him. The kids all ran about to find a hiding place. There were always plenty to go around the only trouble was that the best ones were all in areas we were forbidden to travel by the grey hairs. Harry though could slip in and out of sight whenever he wished.

I walked past the jungle gym sedately and as I passed by the neon slides and a hand grabbed me by the arm and pulled me under the awning for the slides. My head flashed past the floor the other kids played upon nearly earning me a boo boo that no medicinal grade kisses could possibly heal. I turned about to face my assailant to find as I figured little Harry looking back at me.

“What’s wrong with you Mike?” Harry whined. “You know I can’t be seen talking with you!”

“Relax Harry.” I said as I popped a piece of bubble gum in my mouth. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

“People know you Mike. I get by purely because people don’t know me. Or if they do it’s as that weird kid with the pencils. Or the guy who sleeps through the movies.”

“Exactly you got nothing to worry about.” I said. “You’re always under the radar.”

“Yes I am and that’s how I like it. But if people see you and me together.” Harry said. “I’ll register to them. I won’t be able to properly blend.”

“Yeah yeah I get it Harry. Now let’s get down to business. Have you seen this girl?” I handed him the sketch I’d gotten from Red after I agreed to the work. Harry’s eyes got wide and darted between me and the sketch.

“No.” He said.

I grabbed his arm before he could turn and run.

“What’s the rush Harry? You’re not in any trouble. You would never lie to me would you?” I said taking his arm and preparing for an indian burn.

“Aw come on Mikey you know I’m always on the level with you.” He said.

“Where did you see her?” I asked.

“Look Mikey you don’t want to be in this. Everybody’s going to be after you.”

“Everyone already is after me.” I spat.

“Not like this they aren’t.” He wimpered

“I need information or to take out my frustration somwhere.”

“Ok ok but don’t say I didn’t warn you.” I took one hand off his arm to let him focus on the information at hand.

“She was over by the sand box and she took something out of there that had been buried but I don’t know any more than that.”

“Where did she go?”

“Inside that’s the last I saw of her.” He said.

It was at that moment that a sound came from just outside our hiding place. I quickly went for my squirt gun and let go of Harry to do it. A kid came bounding around the corner tackling me to the ground.

“I found you you’re it.”

“I was never playing. Just looking for some shade.” I looked over and Harry was nowhere to be found. Just as well I suppose.

“Then why don’t you go inside?”

“That’s not a bad idea.” I said.

If you'd like to start from the beginning here ya go:  http://musingsofaninadequatenature.blogspot.com/2009/12/my-life-as-it-should-have-been-intro.html

Where does Thousand Island Dressing come from?

The origins of thousand island dressing is one fraught with desperation peril and corruption at the highest levels. The history books would have you think that it is a mere salad dressing many a time used on burgers as a secret sauce or perhaps russian dressing as they did indeed attempt to take credit for it. But I tell you now the true origins of Thousand Island Dressing. It all begins with the original thousand islands located in the Atlantic ocean.

The chief island and the largest was known as Atlantis. They ruled over the Thousand Islands with an orihalcum fist. But they could not prevent their subjects wishes entirely. Their soil was only good for growing a few vegetables and even then they could not produce enough food to sustain their populace despite their awe inspiring technology. Due to their need to demolish their dependency on foreign food they found a way to grow lettuce in abundance. Now that they had their much needed source of food they could simply fish for their meat and simply use spices from foreign lands. Their much needed answer had come at last.

So they planted all of their fields with the new abundantly growing lettuce. There was great joy in the land to know that they would be free of the foreigners grip upon their nation. Great joy that is until the crops came in and all tasted of the lettuce. The nation of the thousand islands suffered greatly as they all ran to get as much foreign food as they could. After all they had been so confident in their abilities to use the lettuce that they dared not think to order any before.

The emporrer was distraught at the new found strife in the land. There seemed to be little to do. He would lose all of the nations holdings if he did not manage to change the populaces minds on lettuce. He would then be dethroned by way of monetary holdings. It was decided long before that the rules of succession would be passed down by way of wealth. It was thought that this would prevent any family from being killed in a single battle and therefore always preserve the title of emporrer and prevent any civil wars.

In order to keep his throne he had to convince everyone that not only would the lettuce bring them independence from foreign food but that it was delicious as well. So he set his scientists to come up with a substance that would be only allowed on lettuce. They came up with the original compound for Thousand Island dressing. It was delicious it could smother the taste of lettuce and most importantly it was cripplingly addictive. The Emporrer then declared that it was illegal to consume the dressing on anything but lettuce.

With this combination there was little chance to lose and before long everyone was eating lettuce in record numbers. It was a veritable coup for the Emporrer and the Atlanteans as a whole. And the rule for not using the dressing on anything other than lettuce can be seen in the myriad burger joints who refuse to admit that their very special secret sauce is no more than an ancient crack de creme.

Please leave a comment asking a question and it shall be answered by me so that we might unravel the mysteries of the world.  The most voted for question will be answered so please submit you queries and let us plumb the depths of this world.

The Grey Hairs

I stepped outside into the bright light of day. The sun beat down on whatever it could find. I kept my head low. This was disputed territory. No one could really control the playground. The grey hairs monitered it too closely. Heck I couldn’t walk out here without at least a few pairs of eyes on me. My reputation has never been sparkly. So many weeks as a PI will do that to a guy. Before I could make it to my usual source a voice rang out in a beautiful tone even if there was no melody.

“Michael!” She said. “Get over here now!”

Of course I couldn’t be at peace out here. The attention of the grey hairs was no doubt pinned upon me since the moment I set foot out here. I turned and looked at none other than Marianne. The woman who helped me through so much so early in life. She’d gotten fired from the hospital. Perhaps they had found the admittedly lewd love poem I had written her and assumed she felt the same way. I felt terrible for that and I did my best to not bring up our previous relationship. But now she was one of the grey hairs. I sauntered over with just enough speed to let her know I’d heard but not so much as to look like I wanted to do it.

“How can I help you?” I said nonchalant as ever.

“What are you doing out here?”

“Oh I thought I’d just get myself some fresh air. Maybe swing on the jungle gym or join a game of hide and seek.” I replied. “You know Kid stuff.”

“All I know is that you and Zachariah are always up to something. And it’s never any good.”

“Do you see Zachariah?” I said.

“No because he was sent to timeout for trying to steal something from a girls locker.” She said.

“You wouldn’t happen to know whose would you?”

“Don’t you even think it. Gertrude wants me to send you to time out right now purely based on your association with him.” She snapped.

“You know perfectly well that I would never do anything like that. As a matter of fact I wanted to go apologize to her on his behalf.”

“I know you’re a good kid heck even Gertrude knows though you’d never see her admit to it.” Marianne grimaced. “Regardless of that you’re up to something I know it. Just make sure you tell us if anything should go amiss. If you don’t tell us immediately we’ll likely be after you.”

“I know I know. I’ll keep you in the loop and you can report to Gertrude that I’ll be on my best behaviour today.” I said and smiled.

“Good. Now be good.”

“What and take all the fun out of it?” I smirked and lost myself in the chaos of the playground. Greyhairs. They never did stand a chance.

If you'd like to read from the beginning here ya go: http://musingsofaninadequatenature.blogspot.com/2009/12/my-life-as-it-should-have-been-intro.html

Productivity and Well You'll See

Wow it’s been a long time since I updated anything much less a personal update. I’ve recently realized that my aspirations to a career in the entertainment industry would be greatly assisted by a little bit of elbow grease. I’ve long been operating under the assumption that someday someone would be walking by and suddenly say ‘Oh my look isn;t he talented! Let’s give him some money!’ I know recognize that that is not a healthy approach to writing or acting. Now that I have managed to start working on things. Not just thinking about them I’ve found myself far more capable than I expected. I’ve been writing more than usual. I’ve been cleaning more than usual (Yay clean dishes!) I’ve been going to more auditions. I’ve been doing more of everything to be honest. And it feels good.

Ok I just realized that I’m fishing about trying to find something amusing to say. This usually means that I have nothing witty or entertaining to say. So I should probably stop.

Do you know about that disease you get from kissing birds? It’s called chirpes. If you get it it’s not fatal but it’s untweetable. Any doctor who tells you otherwise is a quack.

See that’s what happens when I don’t stop.

Shedule

So I have decided on a new update schedule. Every Tuesday and Thursday will be My Life as it Should Have Been. Wedsnday and Friday will be My Musings of an Inadequate Nature. Monday if there’s an update it will be whatever tickles my fancy. Maybe a random telling of something crazy that happened or a piece of Flash Fiction or if I decide that I hate you I may post a bit of my poetry.

Well that’s pretty much it for now. I look forward to supplying content to all of you.

Musings

I have decided to make sure that I take the name of this blog into account for my non-story posts. So mind you that there shall be very little value in these musings beyond entertainment. Facts may be wrong obvious or subtle. If they are correct I assure it is likely a mistake. I shall be uncovering the mysteries you didn’t even know don’t exist.

I could however use your assistance to determine which mysteries to tackle first. So on each of these musings please comment on something for which you would like an answer. Such as ‘Where does thousand island dressing come from?’ ‘Can leopards really beat a computer at chess?’ or ‘Why is world hunger still a thing?’

I shall take the most popular request and ties will be broken by way of their level of intrigue. So please allow me to answer all of the burning questions you have about life the universe and everything.

My Life as it Should Have Been Ch 1.5: Red

I slipped away quietly as Blue, my guard for lack of a better word, stopped to unmake some nice condos that some innocents had built. So I made it to the Muchos Sucrose all on my lonesome. I sauntered into the Muchos Sucrose and nearly stopped dead in my tracks. Red was not only there but he was poking his belly with a needle. No I couldn’t believe it. I’d seen diabetics before but Red? The leader of the Rangers? No one ammasses that kind of power without a fifth of soda pop a day. I kept my cool though played it like I knew it all along.

“Mr DuPuy.” He said.

“Red.” I replied.

“Please sit down. Care for a drink? We have the best there is to offer in these parts.” He said

“Hawaian Punch. Neat.” I said taking the seat across from Red. He was older than me but younger than Blue. I couldn’t be certain though. Heghts don’t always tell the truth.

“A boy with no illusions. I like that.” Red smirked at this. “Do you know why you are here?”

“You called and here I am.”

“That’s not like you. To jump the moment someone calls.”

“No. It isn’t.” I said. “But you asked quite firmly.”

“Ah yes. Little Zachariah.” He said. “Such a pity.”

“Where is he?”

“Do you play connect four Mr DuPuy?”

“I dabble.” I took a draught from my punch cup. “Now where is he?”

“Relax Mr DuPuy he’s simply in time out for the time being. Would care for red or black?” Red’s easygoing speech seemed perfectly tuned to rub me the wrong way.

“You pick I don’t particularly care.”

“Tsk tsk Mr DuPuy. I fear you have already made a fatal error. I shall be red then and play first.”

“So are you gonna tell me why I’m here or should I just walk away now?”

“You do get to the point quickly. I will say that.” He placed a red checker in the board. “Zachariah has been getting himself into trouble.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes. There’s really no way for him to work his way out of it. Not the way he goes through that sugar. Honestly that sweetie of his has to be charging the most ludicrous rates.” Red heaved a sigh. “But seeing as he’s otherwise a good kid I figure I’ll give him a chance. That’s where you come in.”

“Is it now?”

“Yes.”

“Care to elaborate?”

“I suppose I shall have to.” Red grinned at this. “You see there is a particular object which I am anxious to acquire. A falcon to be precise. And I’m having trouble finding it.”

“Try the Toy Store they’re sure to have plenty.” I said.

Red couldn’t help himself and laughed heartily at this.

“If only it were that simple. This is a very particular Falcon. It was seen last in the hands of a girl in the playground. Acquire this Falcon and give it to me and I shall forgive Zachariah’s debt. You may even be in line to prfit some yourself.”

New Model Anouncement

Model Year: 2010
Product Name: Trelk
Tag-line:

Hello, and welcome to the Greatest Product Show EVER! In this segment, we're going to be interviewing the makers of the upcoming 2011 Edition of:

Trelk

We'll ask him/her a couple of questions about the 2010 product and later discuss why you should upgrade to the 2011 Edition!

First question:
What makes the 2010 version different from the last versions?

-Firstly there have been a number of improvements between 2009 and 2010.  We have discontinued our support for largescale use of the Alchohol app suite.  It never showed any real benefit and held up virtually every other program we had.  We debuted the Caddy mobile docking peripheral which has done quite well despite several bugs in the system.  Also we made great progress in our series of writing apps, particularly with the interaction with the NaNoWriMo social networking site.-


Great! Now, are there any ideas that you expanded on from the 2009 model that you decided to keep in 2010?

-Yes.  The Felicia all purpose peripheral has proven to be invaluable and we shall continue our support for that platform.


How about anything new that you decided to add? What makes those things useful?

-We've been regularly updating the blog apps as well as completing our first 50k benchmark in the NaNoWriMo app.  These are both tools that will allow us to lay the framework that is needed to upgrade from fledgeling writer to the far superior Amateur Author OS.


For all of the people that are still using 2009 and older, what do you think they should know about the new 2010 edition in terms of upgrading?

-Quite frankly I don't know anyone who really uses any model prior to 2009.  There's just been so many fundamental improvements to the basics of the system.  There's far more compatibility with other platforms, the search engines have been greatly improved, and we've had a far better sense of direction this past year that we look to improve on in 2011.


Thank you for that lovely information!

-Certainly


I'm now about to ask you a short series of questions about the upcoming 2011 edition!
1st question:

What is currently repaired from the 2010 version? What did you do to fix it?

-We have repaired the Alcohol app suite so that we won't experience any overloads for the forseeable future.  Most of our work though has been put into planning for 2011.


Do you think that you will decide to get rid of anything that was useful in the 2010 edition?

-The only thing that comes to mind is the Caddy mobile docking port.  We don't currently have the funding to provide an alternative but if we get the opportunity to do so then we shall.  The same goes for the Parents House Home Station.


I've heard a lot of companies were giving their 2011 products Boyfriend/Girlfriend utilities. Will the new 2011 edition of your product have a Boyfriend/Girlfriend?

-It'd really not a priority as of now.  We're open to the possibility but we need to focus on certain OS upgrades as well as hardware maintenance.


What new add-on(s) are you going to add into the 2011 edition?

-The add-on we're really looking to get up and running at the moment would be the Job Power Adapter.


Thank you so much! Please enjoy this time-line while we take a commercial break!


2006:

The CSF OS debuts with high prospects.

2007:

CSF OS 1.2 debuts
Discontinuance of the Zoloft anti-virus software.
Alchohol app suite debuts
Tobacco app suite debuts
CSF OS 1.3 debuts
Hand Chair Docking Station Debuts
CSF OS officialy abandoned
KD OS announced

2008:

Tuxedo Junction Job power supply debuts
KD OS debuts
Tuxedo Junction Job Power Supply crashes
CSS Job Power Supply debuts
CSS Job Power Supply crashes

2009:

KD OS is discontinued.
KD OS Wallpaper debuts.
Greendale Entertainment Center Debuts
Wal Mart Job Power Supply debuts

2010:

Wal Mart Job Power Supply crashes.
NaNoWriMo app reaches 50k for the first time.


2011:
Writing apps 'Write1Sub1' and '365kin365days' have been added and the 'NaNoWriMo' app shall be returning.

A new maintenance program called 'Walking' has been added.

Also the discontinuance of 'Nicotine' has been anounced.

Major Anouncements and Major Pains

There is a momentous occasion soon to be had.  It shant be long before Hurst Tx my hometown shall be receiving something legendary.  I have been longing for this day ever since that one trip to California so long ago now.  I may rest though now.  For soon there shall be right down the street from me an In-N-Out Burger.  Check it out.

The Proof of Awesome


I fell in love with In-N-Out Burger from the first and only time I had been there.  I cannot wait for this one to open up and start being delicious.  It was meant to be as far as I’m concerned.

In other news I have been struggling somewhat with the writing for this week.  At first it was due to the utter inability for my writing style to match with the writing style of my partner in crime.  We have come to a solution to this.  I’ll write it first then he’ll give notes and we’ll also get notes from a trusted source.  And then we rewrite it.  This sounds awesome and easy right?

The trick is that I have to get it written you see.  It won’t work any other way.  This is great because I can fall back on my writing style then again I have to get it done.  Who knows maybe I’ll manage it with the pressure of someone bearing down on me.  It could definitely help.

Well back to writing.

Later Days,

Trelk

My Life As It Should Have Been Ch 1.4 The Rangers

The Rangers were one of the toughest gangs around the center.  They typically hung out around the Muchos Sucrose.  It was a little cantina in the middle of the Lego projects.  Whenever they got their sugar (and they always did.) there wasn't a single building there that stayed together.  The poor kids tried to defend their homes but it was no use.  Not against the Rangers.  They had power.  They were two's in the deck of life, and it didn't matter what game you were playing Two's were always wild.

I was making my usual rounds.  At least three of them, right there at the Ball and Cup.  It was another dive but this one was in the middle of cootie central, not far from the hospital.  I typically indulged myself with Hawaiian Punch.  I preferred my sugar to have flavor unlike that Kool-Aid Rochelle kept knocking back.  What?  Don't tell me you thought I was straight laced?  I assure you I'm not.  I can also tell you though that any one who doesn't partake of the wite wonder in this town is singled out, and quick.

I was sitting there in my usual place at the Cup and Ball sure it was a little upper class (or at least what passes for upper class in this pit) for my taste but it was in undisputed territory.  That's actually probably the only reason anyone came here.  The gangs never touched the hospital area.  Partially out of kindness and partially out of fear of catching the cooties.  That made it a prime location for the plying of ones trade as a private detective.  It was a typical day.  Nothing out of the ordinary it was actually almost peaceful.  Then every kid got quiet.  I swiveled around in my chair and took a long draught from my sippy cup and saw to my dismay that my sleepy little dive had just woken up.

There was Blue.  He wasn't terribly high up in the Rangers hierarchy but he was not your typical messenger.  He was tall for his age and he was seven and a half going on seven and three quarters.  Not that he knew that.  He was not the brightest despite the Ranger that provided his namesake.  He'd gotten the color because he wore glasses.  That was where the similarity ends.  He lumbered up towards me with a purpose.  The other patrons quickly vanished the moment they could.  Even the Bartender.

"You there.  Detective."  Blue was also not terribly original in his salutations.

"What do you want Blue?"  I gave him an expertly crafted brush off tone accompanied by an equally exquisite brush off maneuver turning back to face the bar.

"Red would like to talk to you."  His persistence would be admirable if it weren't stemming from the inability to know better.

"Well I got no need to talk to him so he'll have to make an appointment."  I lifted my sippy cup as I said this.  "I'm  a little full up with cases at the moment."

"Alright he just thought you might want a chance to help little Zachariah out."  I froze.  "He said you two were real friends."

My Life as it SHould Have Been Ch 1.5 Red

Let's Play Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer!

Greetings.  For those of you who do not know I Trelk am guest starring in several of ZeNatoto's Let's Play videos on YouTube.  Here's a link to the first set.

Pt. 1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jBhwqBBvvQ

Pt 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sVOsHp-kXA

Pt 3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGZYEB5_t5k

Pt 4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDzjqwj8pCg

If you enjoy these videos let us know.  Also stay tuned because we'll soon be uploading another set of Let's Play including me.  We'll be playing The Great Circus Mystery starring Mickey and Minnie Mouse.

A Tale of Horror and Tropes

Hey guys.  I thought I would go ahead and show up with an update on my whereabouts which have finally changed drastically for the first time in quite a long while.  I made a rather harrowing journey down further south than I already was.

It all started when I got a call from my friend Zanatoto with an offer to go down to Groveton for a week and earn a little pocket cash as well as work on actually getting a script we’re working on together finished and hopefully off the ground.  I thought ‘a chance to hang out with my friend and further my career and make a little money?  Naw.  I have a lot of lounging about the house to accomplish.’  But he was insistent and thus I jumped into his car the moment he showed up, and we were off!  Right after our ‘quick’ stopby Movie Trading Co. to see if we couldn’t pick out a few choice games of a questionable quality.  We succeeded.  He got 3 Ninjas Kick Back, some Mickey Mouse game about a circus, and Radical Rex.  Radical Rex is a game where you play a fire breathing T-Rex who gets to skateboard every now and then.

Then I got a call.  I was then reminded that I had in fact forgotten to give the keys to the Blue Goose back to my family.  So we made a quick turn around to give the keys back.  But then.  Then we were off!  Off on our journey to the south.  To the wonders of Groveton.  Right after we stopped for gas.  But then, then we would be off.  And so it was that we departed this place for one of a more promising time.  We began to discuss at length all the things which would bring our characters to life in this movie.  We spoke of backstory and how the Satanic Cult should be imaged after Jehovah’s Witnesses (apologies to Satanists everywhere.) and how exactly we could get a protagonist to be likable and at the same time providing a proper instruction video for pedosexuals everywhere.  (After all we are hoping to use Amazon for distribution)

That’s when we realized that we had missed our exit.  We were heading deeper into Dallas and possibly out of Dallas.  But we were then trying to ascertain what references if any that we could/should make to anime in our film.  So we called up a couple of our friends  The Duelist and Caius.  We figured we’d have to call them separately in order to talk to both of them but they were together seeing as they read our minds and were naturally eager to do our bidding.  We were given countless different Anime tropes to use some of which we knew about and some of which we recognized after they were mentioned.  And there were those that I still don’t understand.

But miraculously after having been lost for some time in the maze of Dallas Texas we made our way to southbound 45 and we were truly on our way this time.  It all went smoothly.  Like a glass of curdled milk.  Zanatoto and I both smoke so we were able to smoke in his car the whole way down.  I believed this to be a wonderful thing and I enjoyed this opportunity.

But not for long.  It seemed as though every single time I went to put out my cigarette something went horribly awry with the seemingly simple prospect.  In one case the cigarette (still burning mind you) got thrown by the wind all the way into the back seat.  I was scrambling to find it before anything bad happened.  And of course it had rolled to the very back.  I used all of my concentration and effort to stretch far enough to reach it.  I succeeded.  I almost burned my fingers off.  But I succeeded.  Then there was the time when the cherry of the cigarette was knocked out and onto my neck.  Thankfully after a quick yelp it was gone.  Right into my seat.  I managed to put it out by way of smashing it out with my cup.  Genius!  You surely must say.  I tell you though that it was not.  My cup was made of Styrofoam.  I realized this after it was too late.  Thankfully though it did not manage to burn all the way through.

Then as if my failures with the disposal of my cancer stick refuse were not enough we wound up next to a truck that was just staying right next to us.  Normally this wouldn’t be a big deal but he was right about in the blindspot so Zanatoto sped up to alleviate this problem.  The truck sped up and matched us.  Things were now starting to look a little less like an unfortunate circumstance and more like a bad horror film.  Mind you we are in the middle of East Texas now and we are surrounded by trees.  There are precious few other vehicles about.  That’s when we realized that one of them might not be too precious after all.  Zanatoto went to slow down but there was another vehicle right behind us not letting us do so.  And what little deceleration we did manage was matched by the truck.  I do believe that banjos began to play inside my head.  Thankfully Zanatoto managed to put on a massive burst of speed and get in front of the Truck before he could even consider matching it.  Shortly there after both vehicles in question passed taking my banjo track with them.

That was not to be the end of our perils of the night though.  Oh no.  Our journey had just begun.  Well alright fine it was almost over but seriously that does not fit with the proper foreboding that I wanted right there.  The next peril though was more dire still.  As we drove along we came upon a trailer.  I say a trailer not in the sense of one you might find in a trailer park but rather one that you attach to your truck and fill with many assorted things that must absolutely all be moved at the same time.  Now you say why would you not specify that you saw a truck with a trailer attached to it?  The reason for that is simple.  We couldn’t see it.

The trailer being dragged rather woefully behind it was so loaded down with boxes and assorted crap that it was impossible to see what it was that was pulling it.  What we could see though was that it was weaving in and out of the lanes.  I don’t get the feeling that it was in a good natured ‘I pay taxes on both sides of the road so I’ll use em as I please’ sort of weave.  No this was definitively a ‘Not a drop ociffer’ kind of way.  It took us many moments of debating and bracing ourselves before we could manage to pass him on what we determined to be his outbound weaves.  Luckily Zanatoto plays a lot of plat forming games so we made it by unscathed.

Which reminds me.  I will be guest starring on several of Zanatoto’s Let’s Play videos on YouTube.  We’ve already filmed one and I will provide a link for it whenever it gets uploaded.  But for now that is all.  I’d like to give a great big thanks to all the people who contributed to our adventure.  Caius, and The Duelist, but not the stalker trucks nor the cocktail trailer.  Until next time,  Later Days.

UPDATE:  The first installment in the series of ZeNatoto's Let's Play series has been uploaded.  It's Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.  Check it out.  Let's Play!

The Harrowing Tale of My Final Push

The month of November has ended.  There have been a great deal of things said.  Even more things that have been done.  Most of all though many things have been written.  I speak of course of NaNoWriMo.

Over the course of this last month I have known joy, sorrow, anger, disappointment, jubilation ,  and of course utter insanity.  I began by ultimately writing very very little.  At first I intended to write a Science Fiction/Romantic Comedy Alternate History/Erotic Free For All.  This did not fare well.  I was not in the mood to write something serious at all.  It was quite simply not meant to be.  It was not until the now dubbed Evening of Scribbling Recklessly that I was able to get any real writing done.  I had just over 6k when we started and that was from the entirety up to that point of the month which I believe was almost halfway through.

Then during a word war that night I had a thought.  This thought though it was simple and seemingly inconspicuous changed everything.  In the middle of the word war I looked up and stated out loud ‘I should write a religion’.  So I did.  Right then and there I began to write a religion which did in turn transform into an entire story focused upon the people of this religion and how it is that they go about their lives which are fully dependent upon their God who does in fact exist.

Then an Atheist appeared out of the blue because they needed someone to not follow the path.  Otherwise why would they have any problems.  Then a young boy who had not yet come of age discovered lying.  No one had ever lied up until now.  From there on I was writing far more than I had previously but I was still pitifully far behind.

By the time that November 29th had rolled around I had a total of 27,691 words I believe.  I needed 22,309 to make it to the 50k finish line.  It was now that I was truly sensing despair.  I felt that I could not possibly make it all that way in that amount of time.  It was heart breaking.  I had just begun to find my novel and really explore it but now there was no way that I would be able to finish it in time for the elusive purple bar.

That is when I decided to either put up or shut up.  I was either going to throw in the towel right then and there or I would by God and Sonny Jesus make it past that 50k finish line.  So upon the day of the 29th I wrote a total of 11,045 words.  Almost half of what I needed.  I would have written more but I had accidentally fallen asleep not once but twice.  My resolve was there but my body had decided that it did not feel like showing up.  Most of those words had been written during the afternoon right before midnight.

Because of this I did not have any sleep between the 29th and the 30th but rather I continued on throughout the night having no sleep to comfort me.  It was alright though.  I had my fellow NaNoers to comfort me and or threaten me whatever was necessary.  I also had my soda and energy drinks.  This caused me to be in a hyperactive state for much of this time.  Then as the night wore on I realized with great sadness that my fellow NaNoWriMo Tweeps were all leaving me.  Then there was only one left @vampiresmitten.  She remained with me the longest that night.  Partially due to her own word count needs and partially due to her inability to admit that Harry Potter is in fact Emo.

Then it reached 5am and she too left me.  I was alone.  I was hyper.  The sleep I had gotten before the beginning of my great push towards my final goal had not been terribly good sleep and thus my mind had been somewhat weak even from the start.  Now though that I was hyper active and had in fact brought myself over the 40k benchmark things had turned sour.  If ever I needed a break there was no one to talk to.  All I could do is go outside and smoke a cigarette.  But my Nano never left me.  It could not leave me.  Nor could I leave it.  I then began to suffer from an utter lack of attention.  I always believed that more time had passed than actually had.  I would feel that it been a long haul and that I needed a break and I would look at my word count and see that I had only managed perhaps 60 to 100 words.  I became utterly convinced that my word processor was conspiring against me.

I decided that in order to prove this that I would need to conduct a word war to make me stay and write for a specific amount of time and then I could calculate precisely how many words per minute I was getting.  So I went to Twitter and I didn’t even notice that no one was there.  For that was when my challenger appeared.  In the form of me.  I had at this point begun to Tweet myself since no one else would listen.  The Tweets are still out there as proof.  But I had my challenger now.  And we battled fiercely and we tied.  I was somewhat disappointed that I had not managed to put myself in my place but at least he hadn’t either.

This experiment actually proved that my word processor had not in fact chosen to betray me.  I still think that it was just a clever ploy and there was a leak involved but I had no proof to prosecute it with so I moved on.  On through the trials of my long trek towards 50k.  Soon I was in fact lamenting at the creation of my MC  seeing as he was being Emo enough to give Harry Potter a run for his money and title.  Sure some of it was warranted seeing as he had triggered events that lead to his expulsion from his home country and attempted murder but it was not entertaining.  So in order to please him and simultaneously teach him a lesson.  I did this by putting him and his love interest back together.  That was the pleasing part.  I managed to get his love interest out of the country to see him by having her flee with other refugees from an ideological cleansing that had been helped in no small way by his actions.

That was when I lost it and simply needed a direction in which to point myself until I got to 50k.  So I explored the rest of the world until lo and behold at 11:18 AM I achieved the hallowed purple bar.

I was overjoyed and I jumped and skipped.  I may have even frolicked a bit to my embarrassment.  But I had done it.  That is when I fell upon my bead and sailed into unconsciousness despite the energy drinks.  It was during this sleep that I was haunted by a nightmare featuring the number 49,999.  I was distraught but I quickly looked at my computer and knew everything was ok.

So now that all of this is over said and done.  What is it that I want to do?  I want to keep writing.  I don’t want to wait to go back and edit everything.  I want to get back in the thick of things and get it ready for proper consumption.  Obviously my brain has been rewired by this experience.

The Great Raft proves to be problematic.

I’ve run into a problem.  The religion I started out creating has started to stifle me under the requirements of what the world has.  The Great Raft is the creator of the world.  He’s good at creating but he’s no good at inventing.  That’s why he created man.  Man’s purpose is to invent things for the Great Raft to create.  Man has been unable to create things for himself and thus relies on the Great Raft for everything.  The trouble is how can I diversify the jobs in this world beyond The Village Elders (Who undertake the function of Priests) Higher Ups (who are the officers of Bureaucracy put down by The Great Raft to keep mankind from bothering him too much.) and Teachers (who teach everything not covered by The Village Elders).

I can’t think of exactly what the other jobs would be.  Obviously they need people to operate the  various creations of the Great Raft but I feel that their needs to be something more for them.  They get food from factories that churn out already prepared food.  The cafeteria workers just go into the kitchen and push a button or pull a lever and food is dispensed.  There’s also separate stations where any one who wants food just goes up and does the same thing to get a properly portioned meal or snack depending on where they went.

But what other jobs could their be?  Everyone invents things it’s a part of the church service.  Any ideas on what they could do are welcome.

Words and Jobs and Conversations and Jobs and Snacks and Jobs and Russia?

The Evening of Scribbling Recklessly was an inordinate amount of fun.  More than that though is that it was remarkably productive and not just in the sense of my word count. (Which by the way I added 3021 words to during that time)  I also met many a new person as well as actually getting to know many of the people I’d met earlier better than before (remembering many of their names this time.).  Due to my nature of always talking to people and even more so due to my penchant to mentioning random things that have almost nothing to do with the conversation I managed to get a job lead for a security job.  Not only that but I also got information on how I can go about getting a job as a copywriter for an ad agency.

It’s a job that I’ve always felt that I would be good at and although a degree certainly means something in the field from what I was told by the source of this information it is ultimately the work and the talent and skill that allows one to get the job.  So I shall be looking to get a portfolio started for that.

Then after the whole thing had drawn to a close there was as usual a plethora of snacks that were unclaimed and needed someone to take them home.  So I made off with the vast majority of the chex mix I had made (it was surprisingly unpopular)  I also made off like a bandit with three different bags of chips (only one of which was opened) some bean dip, crackers, easy cheese, and two gallons of ice cream.  So I get home still on a high from socialization and plenty of sugar and caffeine and what do I find?

I find a Facebook message from a friend with good news for my career (though not the kind of news that calls for immediate celebration) as well as a proposition that would allow me to hang out with him for the first time in a long while as well as make a bit of money to make my unemployment that much easier.

All of this on top of my improved word count and what amounts to me essentially discovering the true nature of my NaNoWriMo.  I’m in a better mood than I’ve been in for a long time.  It also doesn’t hurt that my mind is being blown because I’m seeing a show all about the Beatles Mania specifically in Russia.

An Unfortunate Truth

Well considering the effort I put into getting people to vote on these polls and this last one only got two votes (one of them being mine) despite waiting two extra days for votes.  So I am discontinuing the votes for my NaNoWriMo this year.  I will still abide by the votes that have been done.  It will be a Sci-Fi Romantic comedy incorporating Military and Alternate history and the relationships will be any and all under the sun.  It will be in the far flung future with a focus on the cretaceous period as well.  And history shall be altered whenever there’s a buyer with enough coin.

I shall come back and post with more and more details on the outline and plot of my NaNoWriMo.