Major Anouncements and Major Pains

There is a momentous occasion soon to be had.  It shant be long before Hurst Tx my hometown shall be receiving something legendary.  I have been longing for this day ever since that one trip to California so long ago now.  I may rest though now.  For soon there shall be right down the street from me an In-N-Out Burger.  Check it out.

The Proof of Awesome

I fell in love with In-N-Out Burger from the first and only time I had been there.  I cannot wait for this one to open up and start being delicious.  It was meant to be as far as I’m concerned.

In other news I have been struggling somewhat with the writing for this week.  At first it was due to the utter inability for my writing style to match with the writing style of my partner in crime.  We have come to a solution to this.  I’ll write it first then he’ll give notes and we’ll also get notes from a trusted source.  And then we rewrite it.  This sounds awesome and easy right?

The trick is that I have to get it written you see.  It won’t work any other way.  This is great because I can fall back on my writing style then again I have to get it done.  Who knows maybe I’ll manage it with the pressure of someone bearing down on me.  It could definitely help.

Well back to writing.

Later Days,



My Life As It Should Have Been Ch 1.4 The Rangers

The Rangers were one of the toughest gangs around the center.  They typically hung out around the Muchos Sucrose.  It was a little cantina in the middle of the Lego projects.  Whenever they got their sugar (and they always did.) there wasn't a single building there that stayed together.  The poor kids tried to defend their homes but it was no use.  Not against the Rangers.  They had power.  They were two's in the deck of life, and it didn't matter what game you were playing Two's were always wild.

I was making my usual rounds.  At least three of them, right there at the Ball and Cup.  It was another dive but this one was in the middle of cootie central, not far from the hospital.  I typically indulged myself with Hawaiian Punch.  I preferred my sugar to have flavor unlike that Kool-Aid Rochelle kept knocking back.  What?  Don't tell me you thought I was straight laced?  I assure you I'm not.  I can also tell you though that any one who doesn't partake of the wite wonder in this town is singled out, and quick.

I was sitting there in my usual place at the Cup and Ball sure it was a little upper class (or at least what passes for upper class in this pit) for my taste but it was in undisputed territory.  That's actually probably the only reason anyone came here.  The gangs never touched the hospital area.  Partially out of kindness and partially out of fear of catching the cooties.  That made it a prime location for the plying of ones trade as a private detective.  It was a typical day.  Nothing out of the ordinary it was actually almost peaceful.  Then every kid got quiet.  I swiveled around in my chair and took a long draught from my sippy cup and saw to my dismay that my sleepy little dive had just woken up.

There was Blue.  He wasn't terribly high up in the Rangers hierarchy but he was not your typical messenger.  He was tall for his age and he was seven and a half going on seven and three quarters.  Not that he knew that.  He was not the brightest despite the Ranger that provided his namesake.  He'd gotten the color because he wore glasses.  That was where the similarity ends.  He lumbered up towards me with a purpose.  The other patrons quickly vanished the moment they could.  Even the Bartender.

"You there.  Detective."  Blue was also not terribly original in his salutations.

"What do you want Blue?"  I gave him an expertly crafted brush off tone accompanied by an equally exquisite brush off maneuver turning back to face the bar.

"Red would like to talk to you."  His persistence would be admirable if it weren't stemming from the inability to know better.

"Well I got no need to talk to him so he'll have to make an appointment."  I lifted my sippy cup as I said this.  "I'm  a little full up with cases at the moment."

"Alright he just thought you might want a chance to help little Zachariah out."  I froze.  "He said you two were real friends."

My Life as it SHould Have Been Ch 1.5 Red

Let's Play Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer!

Greetings.  For those of you who do not know I Trelk am guest starring in several of ZeNatoto's Let's Play videos on YouTube.  Here's a link to the first set.

Pt. 1

Pt 2

Pt 3

Pt 4

If you enjoy these videos let us know.  Also stay tuned because we'll soon be uploading another set of Let's Play including me.  We'll be playing The Great Circus Mystery starring Mickey and Minnie Mouse.


A Tale of Horror and Tropes

Hey guys.  I thought I would go ahead and show up with an update on my whereabouts which have finally changed drastically for the first time in quite a long while.  I made a rather harrowing journey down further south than I already was.

It all started when I got a call from my friend Zanatoto with an offer to go down to Groveton for a week and earn a little pocket cash as well as work on actually getting a script we’re working on together finished and hopefully off the ground.  I thought ‘a chance to hang out with my friend and further my career and make a little money?  Naw.  I have a lot of lounging about the house to accomplish.’  But he was insistent and thus I jumped into his car the moment he showed up, and we were off!  Right after our ‘quick’ stopby Movie Trading Co. to see if we couldn’t pick out a few choice games of a questionable quality.  We succeeded.  He got 3 Ninjas Kick Back, some Mickey Mouse game about a circus, and Radical Rex.  Radical Rex is a game where you play a fire breathing T-Rex who gets to skateboard every now and then.

Then I got a call.  I was then reminded that I had in fact forgotten to give the keys to the Blue Goose back to my family.  So we made a quick turn around to give the keys back.  But then.  Then we were off!  Off on our journey to the south.  To the wonders of Groveton.  Right after we stopped for gas.  But then, then we would be off.  And so it was that we departed this place for one of a more promising time.  We began to discuss at length all the things which would bring our characters to life in this movie.  We spoke of backstory and how the Satanic Cult should be imaged after Jehovah’s Witnesses (apologies to Satanists everywhere.) and how exactly we could get a protagonist to be likable and at the same time providing a proper instruction video for pedosexuals everywhere.  (After all we are hoping to use Amazon for distribution)

That’s when we realized that we had missed our exit.  We were heading deeper into Dallas and possibly out of Dallas.  But we were then trying to ascertain what references if any that we could/should make to anime in our film.  So we called up a couple of our friends  The Duelist and Caius.  We figured we’d have to call them separately in order to talk to both of them but they were together seeing as they read our minds and were naturally eager to do our bidding.  We were given countless different Anime tropes to use some of which we knew about and some of which we recognized after they were mentioned.  And there were those that I still don’t understand.

But miraculously after having been lost for some time in the maze of Dallas Texas we made our way to southbound 45 and we were truly on our way this time.  It all went smoothly.  Like a glass of curdled milk.  Zanatoto and I both smoke so we were able to smoke in his car the whole way down.  I believed this to be a wonderful thing and I enjoyed this opportunity.

But not for long.  It seemed as though every single time I went to put out my cigarette something went horribly awry with the seemingly simple prospect.  In one case the cigarette (still burning mind you) got thrown by the wind all the way into the back seat.  I was scrambling to find it before anything bad happened.  And of course it had rolled to the very back.  I used all of my concentration and effort to stretch far enough to reach it.  I succeeded.  I almost burned my fingers off.  But I succeeded.  Then there was the time when the cherry of the cigarette was knocked out and onto my neck.  Thankfully after a quick yelp it was gone.  Right into my seat.  I managed to put it out by way of smashing it out with my cup.  Genius!  You surely must say.  I tell you though that it was not.  My cup was made of Styrofoam.  I realized this after it was too late.  Thankfully though it did not manage to burn all the way through.

Then as if my failures with the disposal of my cancer stick refuse were not enough we wound up next to a truck that was just staying right next to us.  Normally this wouldn’t be a big deal but he was right about in the blindspot so Zanatoto sped up to alleviate this problem.  The truck sped up and matched us.  Things were now starting to look a little less like an unfortunate circumstance and more like a bad horror film.  Mind you we are in the middle of East Texas now and we are surrounded by trees.  There are precious few other vehicles about.  That’s when we realized that one of them might not be too precious after all.  Zanatoto went to slow down but there was another vehicle right behind us not letting us do so.  And what little deceleration we did manage was matched by the truck.  I do believe that banjos began to play inside my head.  Thankfully Zanatoto managed to put on a massive burst of speed and get in front of the Truck before he could even consider matching it.  Shortly there after both vehicles in question passed taking my banjo track with them.

That was not to be the end of our perils of the night though.  Oh no.  Our journey had just begun.  Well alright fine it was almost over but seriously that does not fit with the proper foreboding that I wanted right there.  The next peril though was more dire still.  As we drove along we came upon a trailer.  I say a trailer not in the sense of one you might find in a trailer park but rather one that you attach to your truck and fill with many assorted things that must absolutely all be moved at the same time.  Now you say why would you not specify that you saw a truck with a trailer attached to it?  The reason for that is simple.  We couldn’t see it.

The trailer being dragged rather woefully behind it was so loaded down with boxes and assorted crap that it was impossible to see what it was that was pulling it.  What we could see though was that it was weaving in and out of the lanes.  I don’t get the feeling that it was in a good natured ‘I pay taxes on both sides of the road so I’ll use em as I please’ sort of weave.  No this was definitively a ‘Not a drop ociffer’ kind of way.  It took us many moments of debating and bracing ourselves before we could manage to pass him on what we determined to be his outbound weaves.  Luckily Zanatoto plays a lot of plat forming games so we made it by unscathed.

Which reminds me.  I will be guest starring on several of Zanatoto’s Let’s Play videos on YouTube.  We’ve already filmed one and I will provide a link for it whenever it gets uploaded.  But for now that is all.  I’d like to give a great big thanks to all the people who contributed to our adventure.  Caius, and The Duelist, but not the stalker trucks nor the cocktail trailer.  Until next time,  Later Days.

UPDATE:  The first installment in the series of ZeNatoto's Let's Play series has been uploaded.  It's Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.  Check it out.  Let's Play!


The Harrowing Tale of My Final Push

The month of November has ended.  There have been a great deal of things said.  Even more things that have been done.  Most of all though many things have been written.  I speak of course of NaNoWriMo.

Over the course of this last month I have known joy, sorrow, anger, disappointment, jubilation ,  and of course utter insanity.  I began by ultimately writing very very little.  At first I intended to write a Science Fiction/Romantic Comedy Alternate History/Erotic Free For All.  This did not fare well.  I was not in the mood to write something serious at all.  It was quite simply not meant to be.  It was not until the now dubbed Evening of Scribbling Recklessly that I was able to get any real writing done.  I had just over 6k when we started and that was from the entirety up to that point of the month which I believe was almost halfway through.

Then during a word war that night I had a thought.  This thought though it was simple and seemingly inconspicuous changed everything.  In the middle of the word war I looked up and stated out loud ‘I should write a religion’.  So I did.  Right then and there I began to write a religion which did in turn transform into an entire story focused upon the people of this religion and how it is that they go about their lives which are fully dependent upon their God who does in fact exist.

Then an Atheist appeared out of the blue because they needed someone to not follow the path.  Otherwise why would they have any problems.  Then a young boy who had not yet come of age discovered lying.  No one had ever lied up until now.  From there on I was writing far more than I had previously but I was still pitifully far behind.

By the time that November 29th had rolled around I had a total of 27,691 words I believe.  I needed 22,309 to make it to the 50k finish line.  It was now that I was truly sensing despair.  I felt that I could not possibly make it all that way in that amount of time.  It was heart breaking.  I had just begun to find my novel and really explore it but now there was no way that I would be able to finish it in time for the elusive purple bar.

That is when I decided to either put up or shut up.  I was either going to throw in the towel right then and there or I would by God and Sonny Jesus make it past that 50k finish line.  So upon the day of the 29th I wrote a total of 11,045 words.  Almost half of what I needed.  I would have written more but I had accidentally fallen asleep not once but twice.  My resolve was there but my body had decided that it did not feel like showing up.  Most of those words had been written during the afternoon right before midnight.

Because of this I did not have any sleep between the 29th and the 30th but rather I continued on throughout the night having no sleep to comfort me.  It was alright though.  I had my fellow NaNoers to comfort me and or threaten me whatever was necessary.  I also had my soda and energy drinks.  This caused me to be in a hyperactive state for much of this time.  Then as the night wore on I realized with great sadness that my fellow NaNoWriMo Tweeps were all leaving me.  Then there was only one left @vampiresmitten.  She remained with me the longest that night.  Partially due to her own word count needs and partially due to her inability to admit that Harry Potter is in fact Emo.

Then it reached 5am and she too left me.  I was alone.  I was hyper.  The sleep I had gotten before the beginning of my great push towards my final goal had not been terribly good sleep and thus my mind had been somewhat weak even from the start.  Now though that I was hyper active and had in fact brought myself over the 40k benchmark things had turned sour.  If ever I needed a break there was no one to talk to.  All I could do is go outside and smoke a cigarette.  But my Nano never left me.  It could not leave me.  Nor could I leave it.  I then began to suffer from an utter lack of attention.  I always believed that more time had passed than actually had.  I would feel that it been a long haul and that I needed a break and I would look at my word count and see that I had only managed perhaps 60 to 100 words.  I became utterly convinced that my word processor was conspiring against me.

I decided that in order to prove this that I would need to conduct a word war to make me stay and write for a specific amount of time and then I could calculate precisely how many words per minute I was getting.  So I went to Twitter and I didn’t even notice that no one was there.  For that was when my challenger appeared.  In the form of me.  I had at this point begun to Tweet myself since no one else would listen.  The Tweets are still out there as proof.  But I had my challenger now.  And we battled fiercely and we tied.  I was somewhat disappointed that I had not managed to put myself in my place but at least he hadn’t either.

This experiment actually proved that my word processor had not in fact chosen to betray me.  I still think that it was just a clever ploy and there was a leak involved but I had no proof to prosecute it with so I moved on.  On through the trials of my long trek towards 50k.  Soon I was in fact lamenting at the creation of my MC  seeing as he was being Emo enough to give Harry Potter a run for his money and title.  Sure some of it was warranted seeing as he had triggered events that lead to his expulsion from his home country and attempted murder but it was not entertaining.  So in order to please him and simultaneously teach him a lesson.  I did this by putting him and his love interest back together.  That was the pleasing part.  I managed to get his love interest out of the country to see him by having her flee with other refugees from an ideological cleansing that had been helped in no small way by his actions.

That was when I lost it and simply needed a direction in which to point myself until I got to 50k.  So I explored the rest of the world until lo and behold at 11:18 AM I achieved the hallowed purple bar.

I was overjoyed and I jumped and skipped.  I may have even frolicked a bit to my embarrassment.  But I had done it.  That is when I fell upon my bead and sailed into unconsciousness despite the energy drinks.  It was during this sleep that I was haunted by a nightmare featuring the number 49,999.  I was distraught but I quickly looked at my computer and knew everything was ok.

So now that all of this is over said and done.  What is it that I want to do?  I want to keep writing.  I don’t want to wait to go back and edit everything.  I want to get back in the thick of things and get it ready for proper consumption.  Obviously my brain has been rewired by this experience.


The Great Raft proves to be problematic.

I’ve run into a problem.  The religion I started out creating has started to stifle me under the requirements of what the world has.  The Great Raft is the creator of the world.  He’s good at creating but he’s no good at inventing.  That’s why he created man.  Man’s purpose is to invent things for the Great Raft to create.  Man has been unable to create things for himself and thus relies on the Great Raft for everything.  The trouble is how can I diversify the jobs in this world beyond The Village Elders (Who undertake the function of Priests) Higher Ups (who are the officers of Bureaucracy put down by The Great Raft to keep mankind from bothering him too much.) and Teachers (who teach everything not covered by The Village Elders).

I can’t think of exactly what the other jobs would be.  Obviously they need people to operate the  various creations of the Great Raft but I feel that their needs to be something more for them.  They get food from factories that churn out already prepared food.  The cafeteria workers just go into the kitchen and push a button or pull a lever and food is dispensed.  There’s also separate stations where any one who wants food just goes up and does the same thing to get a properly portioned meal or snack depending on where they went.

But what other jobs could their be?  Everyone invents things it’s a part of the church service.  Any ideas on what they could do are welcome.


Words and Jobs and Conversations and Jobs and Snacks and Jobs and Russia?

The Evening of Scribbling Recklessly was an inordinate amount of fun.  More than that though is that it was remarkably productive and not just in the sense of my word count. (Which by the way I added 3021 words to during that time)  I also met many a new person as well as actually getting to know many of the people I’d met earlier better than before (remembering many of their names this time.).  Due to my nature of always talking to people and even more so due to my penchant to mentioning random things that have almost nothing to do with the conversation I managed to get a job lead for a security job.  Not only that but I also got information on how I can go about getting a job as a copywriter for an ad agency.

It’s a job that I’ve always felt that I would be good at and although a degree certainly means something in the field from what I was told by the source of this information it is ultimately the work and the talent and skill that allows one to get the job.  So I shall be looking to get a portfolio started for that.

Then after the whole thing had drawn to a close there was as usual a plethora of snacks that were unclaimed and needed someone to take them home.  So I made off with the vast majority of the chex mix I had made (it was surprisingly unpopular)  I also made off like a bandit with three different bags of chips (only one of which was opened) some bean dip, crackers, easy cheese, and two gallons of ice cream.  So I get home still on a high from socialization and plenty of sugar and caffeine and what do I find?

I find a Facebook message from a friend with good news for my career (though not the kind of news that calls for immediate celebration) as well as a proposition that would allow me to hang out with him for the first time in a long while as well as make a bit of money to make my unemployment that much easier.

All of this on top of my improved word count and what amounts to me essentially discovering the true nature of my NaNoWriMo.  I’m in a better mood than I’ve been in for a long time.  It also doesn’t hurt that my mind is being blown because I’m seeing a show all about the Beatles Mania specifically in Russia.


An Unfortunate Truth

Well considering the effort I put into getting people to vote on these polls and this last one only got two votes (one of them being mine) despite waiting two extra days for votes.  So I am discontinuing the votes for my NaNoWriMo this year.  I will still abide by the votes that have been done.  It will be a Sci-Fi Romantic comedy incorporating Military and Alternate history and the relationships will be any and all under the sun.  It will be in the far flung future with a focus on the cretaceous period as well.  And history shall be altered whenever there’s a buyer with enough coin.

I shall come back and post with more and more details on the outline and plot of my NaNoWriMo.


Poll Three

Alright the results are in. Looks like Sci-Fi and Rom Com are going page in page. The Sci-fi subgenre will be alternate history although the military was so close behind that I'll be using that aspect as well. Rom Com sub genre has gone to Erotic Free For All. It was the only one that had more than one vote.

This week we will be deciding on the era for the book to take place in as well as what the alternate portion of history is or if there's more than one thing.

What time does it take place in?
What should the change in history?


Sorry for the late poll results.  I was wracked with mucus and that I imagine is more than you’re interested in knowing.  We had a tie for the genre between Sci-fi and Romantic comedy.  So this week there will be a tiebreaker vote on the genre plus a vote on the sub-genre.  Plus you can give ideas for the title of the novel.  Keep it short and sweet with a slight sense of apathy.  The suggestions shall be used for next weeks vote.

Genre Tie Breaker

Sub-Genre if Sci-fi

Sub Genre if Rom Com


Just comment below with your answer to these and your suggestion for a Title.


It's That Time Again

We have only two months until the infamous National Novel Writing Month is upon us.  Last year I did some last minute voting allowing you to create a character.  The result was most enjoyable.  This year with more time for the votes I shall go through a progression of votes to let you all decide on the actual novel.

This shall be the very first vote.  Each one will be open for a single week and the answers shall provide the lead in for the next vote.  This weeks poll is to decide the primary genre of the novel.  Note that it won’t be the only genre present it will simply be the strongest.  The guiding force of the novel.

The choices are:

Psychological Thriller
Romantic Comedy

You can vote here by posting a comment with your vote or you can travel here and post a comment or you can go here and vote using the LJ Poll I'll have set up.

That's it.  I can't wait to hear what you have to say but remember you only have until September 7th to get a vote in.


My Life As It Should Have Been Ch 1.3 The Lovely Rochelle

Now it’s difficult to remember just how Zachariah and I were able to survive those first few weeks there.  It didn’t take long before all hope was lost.  I think it went somewhere in between the Hawaiian punch bars and the pixie stix houses.  Those first weeks were the hardest for Zachariah I do believe.  We tried to stay clear of it all, we were good kids.  We made it alright until Rochelle.  Little Rochelle.  She’d been there for a month or two prior because her parents abandoned her to work two jobs.  It wasn’t a pretty picture.  She was there so much every day that she didn’t stand a chance against the system.  She was quickly taken in by one of the smooch dens.  I’m sure it looked like compassion at the time, but it wasn’t long before she was handing out kisses to any kid so long as they had the sugar.  She certainly had the lips for it though.  She made a killing but then she turned to drink.  Kool-Aid left an ever present stain above her lips.
Zachariah didn’t care though, he was smitten.  He would scrounge up whatever treats he could find.  He never ate them.  Just gave em to her so they could have a little more time together.  But she was in high demand and he couldn’t afford her prices anymore so he turned to lifting things out of lunchboxes.  A juice box here a Twinkie there, every now and then he’d snag an honest to god butter and jelly sandwich.  I didn’t see him for ten whole minutes after that.  But I knew where he was.
The lovely Rochelle had him.  It was a bad situation but I’d seen worse.  In fact considering den of sugar we were in it might as well have been a fairy tale.  Fairy tales don’t last though.  Rochelle fell prey to the cooties.  It happens.  She worked in a smooch den so the doctors had little sympathy for her seeing as she did nothing but spread the epidemic.  There were kids from all over the center laid out on blue mats.  The adults never thought anything of it.  ‘Naptime’ they called it, no one who was paying attention could possibly call it that.  The cooties, though treatable, had no cure.
The doctors had no room for Rochelle.  They turned her away like the sugar sweetie she was.  Zachariah and I took her back to our place.  It wasn’t much, we could barely get by on the commissions I got from my private investigator practice.  The only real jobs I could get were small time jealous sweethearts trying to see who was using their squeezes hand to draw a turkey.  It managed to give us a little out of the way place though.  We laid Rochelle out so she could rest.  I don’t believe that Zachariah left her side for even a moment.  At least not until Blue showed up.

Ch 1.4 The Rangers


The Final Smoke

Metal strains in the void.   It’s death throes fill only itself.  Nothing escapes through the void.  The only souls left to hear them are broken, left to contemplate their demise.  The heat that has brought the once proud ship to her knees persists.  Attempting to melt even the coldest and most hardy portion of the vessel.  Sitting directly against a massive refrigeration core built for just this purpose, are three weary souls.  The freezer they rest upon is keeping the room at approximately 110 degrees Fahrenheit.  The only truly cool surface is that of the refrigeration core itself.

One of the passengers lets out a slight moan of pain and discomfort.  He is covered in burns and blisters.  His left arm is shriveled and black, the burning has left it with little more than enough muscle to keep it from falling off.  Those nerves died some time ago.    He carefully removes a cigarette from his pack and puts it in his mouth.  He gently blows air through it igniting toxic chemicals to cause a chain reaction that brings fire to bear upon the tobacco.
Another traveler sees this, this one not so injured as the last but still sporting her own blisters.

“Must you continue to smoke those infernal things?”  The first passenger simply chuckles darkly and replies.

“Why not?  It’s not like I really care about how much longer I live in this sauna.”  The third passenger grimaces from a laugh that hit the wrong spot.

“He has a point.  Why bother trying to calculate the life expectancy change when the total is right around the corner anyway?”

“Well when you put it that way.  Mind if I join you?”  The first passenger pulls out his pack and proffers a deathstick to his companion.

“Knock yourself out.”

“That’s the idea.”  The second passenger takes the gift and puts it in her mouth.  “You got a light or do I need to get a couple of sticks?”

“Just blow through it.  The chemicals will take it from there.”  The first passenger takes a long drag and breathes a sigh of relief.

“God you’re worse than I thought.  You know that if you don’t blow through it first that these things will kill you on the first drag?”

“That’s why you don’t suck until you’ve blown.  Genius.”  The first passenger grins at his opponent.  The third passenger tilts his head to the side.

“That would speed up the process wouldn’t it?”  The first two passengers stop for a moment.

“That’s not a bad idea.  What do you think chimney?”  The first passenger shrugs and says.

“It’s the smartest thing either of have said this whole trip.”  The first passenger divvyed up the last of his cigarettes.  Just enough to allow each traveler one one way ticket out of hell.

“I say we all go together.  How bout that?”  The others agree.  They begin the countdown.







The first passenger looked and chuckled.  His muscle memory had gotten the better of him.  His habit refused to let him die just yet.  His chuckle grew.  Then it grew some more.  Sounds began to pass through the wall into the freezer.  The passenger began to wholeheartedly laugh as the room began to cool off, and Angels broke through the door to save him.  His chuckles now fills the void.


Shades of Deceit Pt 1: The Song of Ages

Five strings began to vibrate beneath a set of loving fingers. The vibrations carried themselves about the bar bringing silence to those who heard it. A hush of reverence overcame the crowd as the most hallowed of hallowed traditions was heralded. The song of the ages.
The drinking song was one that had been born out of tales of old that had all been strung together. In fact it held one of the greatest and most in depth catalogs of the history of Lochnor. They first began singing the song when The Bar was opened during the world wide prohibition of alcohol. Unfortunately for the people of Lochnor the guards were actually able to take down almost every other speakeasy and hidden bar joint in the land. But the bartenders of old who recognized the need to spill ones heart out over a stiff drink was as old as the earth itself and would likely last even longer than that, banded together to create The Bar. It was a safe haven for everyone regardless of what everyone else thought of them and it existed in every country and every city in the world. Some say that it even has parts in the realm across the ocean but no one knows if that's really true.

The song was created by its founders to depict the war that brought about the prohibition and the subsequent creation of The Bar. The verses of the song were numerous being that the object of the game was to sing all the way to the end of the song as accurately as anyone could say in the drunken haze because everyone participating would have another round before continuing on. Then whoever was leading the song would start the next verse unless they were no longer capable of standing much less singing, in which case someone who had been singing along accurately would continue the song until there was no one there to finish it.
Needless to say there was rarely a full song sung any given night, but whenever someone got through the last verse and had another round they had the option of adding a new verse and as time went by more and more verses built up and those who were able to stand up to the test of endurance are those with great deeds worth singing about or they at least knew of deeds worth a rhyme or two. Some of the verses were tried and true and sometimes they switched places depending on their importance or how much the people enjoyed them but everyone remembered the proper and original version. The bartenders who were the very best at their trade were the ones who officially kept track but many say that the spirit of the bar had taken on the role of a demi-god and it looked over its own history and the only way to add a new verse is to sing it from the beginning and in the exact order it was written. They say that those who are worthy of a verse will know by the help of the spirit of The Bar. Thus they would know the importance of the song and what their role in it would be.
Tonight was no different than any other night for the Catherbury twins, Elkahn played the score while Calahan made another run for a new verse. He'd yet to achieve it but he'd come very close from what anyone could reckon, after all the Bartenders never said anything other than no you didn't make it. Calahan was in classic form and barreling through as fast as he could in the hopes that it would help him achieve what he viewed as his entitlement for being him. They were currently in a very upbeat accounting of Tanya Trewitt the truculent tramp and how she taught Terry Timmerson the way to talk to terribly tough transvestites toting tons of tawdry tupperware. Then they'd be into a slow cry-in-your-ale verse about Leering Larry the lecherous lump of Lochnor and how he looked for love leaving no village or town or even pasture unmolested.
Calahan had been dancing up a storm as he related the tales. He now jumped onto an empty chair and then a table and as he was finishing up his round after Larry's litany of lust he whipped up into the chorus he noticed that there was a group of fellows playing poker. Playing poker in the middle of what would surely be his time to succeed at adding a verse. So as the tale of Handy Hubert's uprising against Villianous Victor the dastardly despot of Diaspra, Calahan hopped and skipped (though in his state of inebriation it was more like a hip and a skop) over to their table where the fellows were ignoring him in order to show their cards and rake in quite a large pot. And he began an jig upon the table sending the gold and silver flying every which way. The players screamed in outrage as they scrambled to get what belonged to them as well as whatever didn't. Calahan didn't care he even managed to kick several pieces straight into the hands of the bartenders for a tip. Some of the players tried to trip him off the table but they simply got their hands trampled along with the coins.
Calahan was about to be done with the card players having rid them of their entire pot, when he noticed a chap with his legs propped up on a table and a hat pulled low over his eyes so he could sleep. Someone was sleeping during the song. The song. Playing cards was one thing as far as Calahan was concerned. At least they were trying to make an honest bit of money.... Well a bit of money anyway.
But sleeping? No that was inexcusable. In an instant Calahan had maneuvered to the table and kicked the strangers legs off the table. A snort of surprise would have pleased Calahan to no end, but all he got was the strangers legs kicking the table out from under him.
Calahan fell to the ground face first. He rolled over deftly to get up and retaliate but his drink and merriment had softened his abilities and he was left on the ground looking as the stranger stood with his face still hidden to leave. As the stranger turned the torchlight seemed to glint off the man's medallion to show a dazzlingly bright pheonix. By the time Calahan had recovered and managed to stand there was a new song leader and the stranger was nowhere to be found.


The Finer Points of Nuclear Warfare

Recently I sat down with about four of my good friends for a good old fashioned LAN party.  We hadn’t done this for a long time and I was really looking forward to it, especially since we had never done one with Rise of Nations before.  It was looking to be a great night.

So we all gathered with our computers.  Me with Felicia, Dalmac with Rachel, Laquat, Ex, and Anthemis all with their nameless computing entities.  Dalmac and I were quite content to play using the final ‘oh by the way I’m a God’ techs but Laquat, Ex, and Anthemis however were never big fans of the idea due to the intsa-spam ability granted by one of the techs.  So we turned them off thinking that would prevent any difficulties.  However after a little ways into the first match it was realized that we hadn’t turned of the nuclear weapons.  This is a problem.  See while some of the techs are overpowered another one is quite simply there to act as a way of stopping Nuclear Warheads from being used.  So we all agreed that no one would build any Nuclear Weapons.  This agreement in the game was about as effective as it is in real life.

Because the maturity level of the people I was playing with our first two games ended in nuclear holocaust with no one winning.  Literally.  See Rise of Nations has this thing called an Armageddon clock that ticks down every time a nuclear warhead is used.  When it hits zero the game ends.  No one wins.  No cool cinematic.  It’s just over.  Not an ounce of satisfaction to be had.  Now it should be noted that Dalmac not once developed Nuclear warheads in these scenarios.  He’s the only one who didn’t build any ever.  Finally we got a mod to work with the game that removed nuclear warheads entirely.  This way we were finally able to have a proper game.  Here’s how it went.

We all coexisted peacefully for quite some time.  All the way up until the early information age I hadn’t bothered anyone.  I just took a few islands and built up my resources until I pretty much owned the economy.  Much earlier though Laquat and Ex had started a war over a single island and they had never stopped.  Ex had allied with Anthemis and this put Laquat at a severe disadvantage for being in the middle of a two front war.  Dalmac was on the other side of the map from me and his territory had no borders with mine and he was playing nice.  So I made the strategic choice and attacked Laquat.  I managed to take one of his wonders out before he could start whining about everybody attacking him as though his having the largest amount of territory had nothing to do with that scenario.

Since he was moaning a being an all around poor sport about the whole thing I pulled back my forces and made peace with him.  This left me only one logical enemy for me seeing as Ex was located on the opposite side of Laquat from me.  So I took a looksie and realized that to my astonishment Anthemis’ capitol city was sitting on my doorstep.  It wasn’t truly defenseless but it was far from what it needed to be.   So considering this turn of events I swooped in and took his capitol with no problems whatsoever.  He then threw a tantrum about how he didn’t realize that you couldn’t move the capitol once it had been captured.  So in the interest of ‘fair’ (that seems to be a relative term) play I gave him back his capitol.

I GAVE him his capitol back.

I literally pulled all of my forces back and gave him time to build up.  Then I attacked again this time in greater force seeing as he would have at least moved his capitol and built some decent defenses.  He had.  He fended me off that island a number of times.  I continued going after that island because I had been forced to give back the land I took each time using strategy by way of whining.  However whenever I attacked in the exact place the he expected me to attack he defended himself quite well.  I soon got bored with this and found his capitols new location took an island that was defenseless which gave me another straight shot at his capitol.  I once again took it with ease as he was using a counterattack to take one of my islands.  His capitol was mine before he could reroute a single troop.  He then threw another hiss fit about his having a path finding glitch and not being able to land on my island.  This time I stood my ground seeing as I’d been having numerous glitches during my entire campaign against him that were worse than what he was describing.

After this was over Laquat and I made a formal alliance because he would have thrown a hissy fit if I’d taken his capitol which was in fact also on my doorstep.  Dalmac and Ex were the only ones who were good sports about it all.  I’m realizing that perhaps I need to find different people to play Rise of nations with.  With the exception of Dalmac.


My Life As It Should Have Been Ch 1.2 Cops and Robbers

Once I began to walk my life became infinitely more interesting due to an old Chinese man who laid upon me two of their most ancient curses the first of which being ‘May you live in interesting times.’  This would most certainly be the case since as other children were playing Cops and Robbers I lived it.  I lived then in a sleepy little suburb known as Hurst Texas.  If ever there was a town that could be expected to be of no consequence it was Hurst.  It’s not some small town out in the boonies.  You see if it were then there would always be the possibility of a corporation or a super villain setting up camp there and creating God and I only know what.  No Hurst is a suburb of the Dallas Ft Worth metroplex.  Big enough to warrant watching but small enough to not generate it’s own noteworthiness.  It did however have a juvenile criminal element like no other.

For whatever reason Hurst had no way of properly dealing with it’s toddling crime lords, so that duty fell to me.  You see the children were quite clever with their work.  What they did was never a crime punishable by the laws of Hurst, but they were nonetheless a dastardly lot.  Daycare were riddled with dealers hocking everything from pixi sticks to licorice whips.  Not a day went by that some innocent child was strung out on Warheads and sour patch kids.  The staff at the daycare did what they could but that wasn’t good enough.  It never had been.  I had to grow up.  I had to grow up fast.

It all started when I got to my daycare on the first day.  My parents had told me so many things about how wonderful it would be.  I was excited.  When we pulled up and I got out and saw another boy just arriving and thought I ought to make my first friend.  I walked straight over to him held out my hand and introduced myself and requested his friendship while offering mine.  He accepted my hand looking at me telling me his name was Zachariah.  Zachariah Hardwick.  Yes my nemesis began as my friend.  All the best ones do.

As we entered the daycare with our families Zachariah and I were greeted by a horrific scene.  Children were everywhere running rampant, no order or law, just utter and complete chaos wherever ones eyes landed.  Little boys and little girls giving kisses for a little box of jujubes.  Others were knocking back juice boxes while little pieces of cardboard were placed on their arms only to be pulled away revealing their newly affixed gang affiliations.  I begged my parents not to leave me here.  Anywhere but here.  All they did was insist that I would like it after being there a day or two.  Zachariah had just as much luck with his parents.  We were alone.

Ch 1.3 The Lovely Rochelle