Where does Thousand Island Dressing come from?

The origins of thousand island dressing is one fraught with desperation peril and corruption at the highest levels. The history books would have you think that it is a mere salad dressing many a time used on burgers as a secret sauce or perhaps russian dressing as they did indeed attempt to take credit for it. But I tell you now the true origins of Thousand Island Dressing. It all begins with the original thousand islands located in the Atlantic ocean.

The chief island and the largest was known as Atlantis. They ruled over the Thousand Islands with an orihalcum fist. But they could not prevent their subjects wishes entirely. Their soil was only good for growing a few vegetables and even then they could not produce enough food to sustain their populace despite their awe inspiring technology. Due to their need to demolish their dependency on foreign food they found a way to grow lettuce in abundance. Now that they had their much needed source of food they could simply fish for their meat and simply use spices from foreign lands. Their much needed answer had come at last.

So they planted all of their fields with the new abundantly growing lettuce. There was great joy in the land to know that they would be free of the foreigners grip upon their nation. Great joy that is until the crops came in and all tasted of the lettuce. The nation of the thousand islands suffered greatly as they all ran to get as much foreign food as they could. After all they had been so confident in their abilities to use the lettuce that they dared not think to order any before.

The emporrer was distraught at the new found strife in the land. There seemed to be little to do. He would lose all of the nations holdings if he did not manage to change the populaces minds on lettuce. He would then be dethroned by way of monetary holdings. It was decided long before that the rules of succession would be passed down by way of wealth. It was thought that this would prevent any family from being killed in a single battle and therefore always preserve the title of emporrer and prevent any civil wars.

In order to keep his throne he had to convince everyone that not only would the lettuce bring them independence from foreign food but that it was delicious as well. So he set his scientists to come up with a substance that would be only allowed on lettuce. They came up with the original compound for Thousand Island dressing. It was delicious it could smother the taste of lettuce and most importantly it was cripplingly addictive. The Emporrer then declared that it was illegal to consume the dressing on anything but lettuce.

With this combination there was little chance to lose and before long everyone was eating lettuce in record numbers. It was a veritable coup for the Emporrer and the Atlanteans as a whole. And the rule for not using the dressing on anything other than lettuce can be seen in the myriad burger joints who refuse to admit that their very special secret sauce is no more than an ancient crack de creme.

Please leave a comment asking a question and it shall be answered by me so that we might unravel the mysteries of the world.  The most voted for question will be answered so please submit you queries and let us plumb the depths of this world.

The Grey Hairs

I stepped outside into the bright light of day. The sun beat down on whatever it could find. I kept my head low. This was disputed territory. No one could really control the playground. The grey hairs monitered it too closely. Heck I couldn’t walk out here without at least a few pairs of eyes on me. My reputation has never been sparkly. So many weeks as a PI will do that to a guy. Before I could make it to my usual source a voice rang out in a beautiful tone even if there was no melody.

“Michael!” She said. “Get over here now!”

Of course I couldn’t be at peace out here. The attention of the grey hairs was no doubt pinned upon me since the moment I set foot out here. I turned and looked at none other than Marianne. The woman who helped me through so much so early in life. She’d gotten fired from the hospital. Perhaps they had found the admittedly lewd love poem I had written her and assumed she felt the same way. I felt terrible for that and I did my best to not bring up our previous relationship. But now she was one of the grey hairs. I sauntered over with just enough speed to let her know I’d heard but not so much as to look like I wanted to do it.

“How can I help you?” I said nonchalant as ever.

“What are you doing out here?”

“Oh I thought I’d just get myself some fresh air. Maybe swing on the jungle gym or join a game of hide and seek.” I replied. “You know Kid stuff.”

“All I know is that you and Zachariah are always up to something. And it’s never any good.”

“Do you see Zachariah?” I said.

“No because he was sent to timeout for trying to steal something from a girls locker.” She said.

“You wouldn’t happen to know whose would you?”

“Don’t you even think it. Gertrude wants me to send you to time out right now purely based on your association with him.” She snapped.

“You know perfectly well that I would never do anything like that. As a matter of fact I wanted to go apologize to her on his behalf.”

“I know you’re a good kid heck even Gertrude knows though you’d never see her admit to it.” Marianne grimaced. “Regardless of that you’re up to something I know it. Just make sure you tell us if anything should go amiss. If you don’t tell us immediately we’ll likely be after you.”

“I know I know. I’ll keep you in the loop and you can report to Gertrude that I’ll be on my best behaviour today.” I said and smiled.

“Good. Now be good.”

“What and take all the fun out of it?” I smirked and lost myself in the chaos of the playground. Greyhairs. They never did stand a chance.

If you'd like to read from the beginning here ya go: http://musingsofaninadequatenature.blogspot.com/2009/12/my-life-as-it-should-have-been-intro.html

Productivity and Well You'll See

Wow it’s been a long time since I updated anything much less a personal update. I’ve recently realized that my aspirations to a career in the entertainment industry would be greatly assisted by a little bit of elbow grease. I’ve long been operating under the assumption that someday someone would be walking by and suddenly say ‘Oh my look isn;t he talented! Let’s give him some money!’ I know recognize that that is not a healthy approach to writing or acting. Now that I have managed to start working on things. Not just thinking about them I’ve found myself far more capable than I expected. I’ve been writing more than usual. I’ve been cleaning more than usual (Yay clean dishes!) I’ve been going to more auditions. I’ve been doing more of everything to be honest. And it feels good.

Ok I just realized that I’m fishing about trying to find something amusing to say. This usually means that I have nothing witty or entertaining to say. So I should probably stop.

Do you know about that disease you get from kissing birds? It’s called chirpes. If you get it it’s not fatal but it’s untweetable. Any doctor who tells you otherwise is a quack.

See that’s what happens when I don’t stop.

Shedule

So I have decided on a new update schedule. Every Tuesday and Thursday will be My Life as it Should Have Been. Wedsnday and Friday will be My Musings of an Inadequate Nature. Monday if there’s an update it will be whatever tickles my fancy. Maybe a random telling of something crazy that happened or a piece of Flash Fiction or if I decide that I hate you I may post a bit of my poetry.

Well that’s pretty much it for now. I look forward to supplying content to all of you.

Musings

I have decided to make sure that I take the name of this blog into account for my non-story posts. So mind you that there shall be very little value in these musings beyond entertainment. Facts may be wrong obvious or subtle. If they are correct I assure it is likely a mistake. I shall be uncovering the mysteries you didn’t even know don’t exist.

I could however use your assistance to determine which mysteries to tackle first. So on each of these musings please comment on something for which you would like an answer. Such as ‘Where does thousand island dressing come from?’ ‘Can leopards really beat a computer at chess?’ or ‘Why is world hunger still a thing?’

I shall take the most popular request and ties will be broken by way of their level of intrigue. So please allow me to answer all of the burning questions you have about life the universe and everything.

My Life as it Should Have Been Ch 1.5: Red

I slipped away quietly as Blue, my guard for lack of a better word, stopped to unmake some nice condos that some innocents had built. So I made it to the Muchos Sucrose all on my lonesome. I sauntered into the Muchos Sucrose and nearly stopped dead in my tracks. Red was not only there but he was poking his belly with a needle. No I couldn’t believe it. I’d seen diabetics before but Red? The leader of the Rangers? No one ammasses that kind of power without a fifth of soda pop a day. I kept my cool though played it like I knew it all along.

“Mr DuPuy.” He said.

“Red.” I replied.

“Please sit down. Care for a drink? We have the best there is to offer in these parts.” He said

“Hawaian Punch. Neat.” I said taking the seat across from Red. He was older than me but younger than Blue. I couldn’t be certain though. Heghts don’t always tell the truth.

“A boy with no illusions. I like that.” Red smirked at this. “Do you know why you are here?”

“You called and here I am.”

“That’s not like you. To jump the moment someone calls.”

“No. It isn’t.” I said. “But you asked quite firmly.”

“Ah yes. Little Zachariah.” He said. “Such a pity.”

“Where is he?”

“Do you play connect four Mr DuPuy?”

“I dabble.” I took a draught from my punch cup. “Now where is he?”

“Relax Mr DuPuy he’s simply in time out for the time being. Would care for red or black?” Red’s easygoing speech seemed perfectly tuned to rub me the wrong way.

“You pick I don’t particularly care.”

“Tsk tsk Mr DuPuy. I fear you have already made a fatal error. I shall be red then and play first.”

“So are you gonna tell me why I’m here or should I just walk away now?”

“You do get to the point quickly. I will say that.” He placed a red checker in the board. “Zachariah has been getting himself into trouble.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes. There’s really no way for him to work his way out of it. Not the way he goes through that sugar. Honestly that sweetie of his has to be charging the most ludicrous rates.” Red heaved a sigh. “But seeing as he’s otherwise a good kid I figure I’ll give him a chance. That’s where you come in.”

“Is it now?”

“Yes.”

“Care to elaborate?”

“I suppose I shall have to.” Red grinned at this. “You see there is a particular object which I am anxious to acquire. A falcon to be precise. And I’m having trouble finding it.”

“Try the Toy Store they’re sure to have plenty.” I said.

Red couldn’t help himself and laughed heartily at this.

“If only it were that simple. This is a very particular Falcon. It was seen last in the hands of a girl in the playground. Acquire this Falcon and give it to me and I shall forgive Zachariah’s debt. You may even be in line to prfit some yourself.”

New Model Anouncement

Model Year: 2010
Product Name: Trelk
Tag-line:

Hello, and welcome to the Greatest Product Show EVER! In this segment, we're going to be interviewing the makers of the upcoming 2011 Edition of:

Trelk

We'll ask him/her a couple of questions about the 2010 product and later discuss why you should upgrade to the 2011 Edition!

First question:
What makes the 2010 version different from the last versions?

-Firstly there have been a number of improvements between 2009 and 2010.  We have discontinued our support for largescale use of the Alchohol app suite.  It never showed any real benefit and held up virtually every other program we had.  We debuted the Caddy mobile docking peripheral which has done quite well despite several bugs in the system.  Also we made great progress in our series of writing apps, particularly with the interaction with the NaNoWriMo social networking site.-


Great! Now, are there any ideas that you expanded on from the 2009 model that you decided to keep in 2010?

-Yes.  The Felicia all purpose peripheral has proven to be invaluable and we shall continue our support for that platform.


How about anything new that you decided to add? What makes those things useful?

-We've been regularly updating the blog apps as well as completing our first 50k benchmark in the NaNoWriMo app.  These are both tools that will allow us to lay the framework that is needed to upgrade from fledgeling writer to the far superior Amateur Author OS.


For all of the people that are still using 2009 and older, what do you think they should know about the new 2010 edition in terms of upgrading?

-Quite frankly I don't know anyone who really uses any model prior to 2009.  There's just been so many fundamental improvements to the basics of the system.  There's far more compatibility with other platforms, the search engines have been greatly improved, and we've had a far better sense of direction this past year that we look to improve on in 2011.


Thank you for that lovely information!

-Certainly


I'm now about to ask you a short series of questions about the upcoming 2011 edition!
1st question:

What is currently repaired from the 2010 version? What did you do to fix it?

-We have repaired the Alcohol app suite so that we won't experience any overloads for the forseeable future.  Most of our work though has been put into planning for 2011.


Do you think that you will decide to get rid of anything that was useful in the 2010 edition?

-The only thing that comes to mind is the Caddy mobile docking port.  We don't currently have the funding to provide an alternative but if we get the opportunity to do so then we shall.  The same goes for the Parents House Home Station.


I've heard a lot of companies were giving their 2011 products Boyfriend/Girlfriend utilities. Will the new 2011 edition of your product have a Boyfriend/Girlfriend?

-It'd really not a priority as of now.  We're open to the possibility but we need to focus on certain OS upgrades as well as hardware maintenance.


What new add-on(s) are you going to add into the 2011 edition?

-The add-on we're really looking to get up and running at the moment would be the Job Power Adapter.


Thank you so much! Please enjoy this time-line while we take a commercial break!


2006:

The CSF OS debuts with high prospects.

2007:

CSF OS 1.2 debuts
Discontinuance of the Zoloft anti-virus software.
Alchohol app suite debuts
Tobacco app suite debuts
CSF OS 1.3 debuts
Hand Chair Docking Station Debuts
CSF OS officialy abandoned
KD OS announced

2008:

Tuxedo Junction Job power supply debuts
KD OS debuts
Tuxedo Junction Job Power Supply crashes
CSS Job Power Supply debuts
CSS Job Power Supply crashes

2009:

KD OS is discontinued.
KD OS Wallpaper debuts.
Greendale Entertainment Center Debuts
Wal Mart Job Power Supply debuts

2010:

Wal Mart Job Power Supply crashes.
NaNoWriMo app reaches 50k for the first time.


2011:
Writing apps 'Write1Sub1' and '365kin365days' have been added and the 'NaNoWriMo' app shall be returning.

A new maintenance program called 'Walking' has been added.

Also the discontinuance of 'Nicotine' has been anounced.